This blog doesn’t pay enough attention to sports. I think I’ve only done one sports post and it was for the 2012 March Madness gridlock or what is that thing called that you pick the teams? The March Madness Chart. The March Madness Grid. The March Madness, ummmm, it’s called a bracket! March Madness Bracket! (You can read it if you click on that link right back there.)
Now that it’s football season, I will give my readers the benefit of my knowledge in case they are big sports betters and need some advice before calling their bookies. Today’s post will provide my analysis of the AFC. I think AFC stands for American Football Conference.
Here are the AFC teams for 2012, the standings for Week 1 and my recommendations.
AFC – WEST
Denver Broncos — (1-0) I will be supporting the Broncos this year because Payton Manning is now playing for Denver and I really like him and think he’s funny. My sister moved to Denver last year so really Denver is a no-brainer.
San Diego Chargers — (1-0) I can’t think of anything for the Chargers. Win, lose, doesn’t matter to me. They had a really cute QB when I was in high school but I can’t remember his name. I think there was an F in it. Derwood told me last night that Dan Fouts played for the Chargers but that’s not who I’m thinking of. I am thinking of Vince Ferragamo who played for the LA Rams, you can see how I got mixed up.
Kansas City Chiefs — (0-1) I’m not a big fan like I used to be when I had a Willy Lanear Slurpee cup and my aunt lived in Overland Park but I wish them well.
Oakland Raiders — (0-1) Nope. The Raiders are dark and dangerous. My dad really didn’t like them because they had long, hippie hair. There is way more long hair in football now but I still can’t forgive Oakland for starting the trend.
AFC – NORTH
Cincinatti Bengals — (0-1) I don’t have any thoughts on the Bengals.
Cleveland Browns — (0-1) Art Modell just died. He’s the guy that shut down the Browns. Back then, maybe in the 90s, I remember seeing a guy in the Cleveland crowd holding a sign that read “Hey Art! I hate you man!” Because of those “I love you man” commercials for Bud Light. As for me, I don’t have an opinion one way or the other. I’m glad Cleveland got their team back.
Baltimore Ravens – (1-0) I’m willing to give the Ravens a chance because they have such a clever literary name. I’m finally accustomed to saying Indianapolis Colts instead of the Baltimore Colts. LaLa lives in Baltimore and my BFF Kitty is from Baltimore so I will give them a thumbs up.
Pittsburgh Steelers — (0-1) Ben Rothnilsburgersnots. No.
AFC – SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts — (0-1) I’m not totally against them but see no reason to love them. Payton is in Denver. I saw former Colts coach Tony Dungy at an auction last weekend. But still no real love here. Not hate but not love.
Jacksonville Jaguars — (0-1) Despite BFF Judy being from Jax, this still feels like a made up team to me so No on Jacksonville.
Houston Texans — (1-0) No. They should be the Houston Oilers.
Tennessee Titans — (0-1) I think this is the team that used to be the Houston Oilers. None of that makes sense to me. So Tennessee?? No.
AFC – EAST
Buffalo Bills — (0-1) It’s really cold in Buffalo during the winter. I got nothing. Your call on the Bills.
Miami Dolphins — (0-1) Miami is my favorite team since childhood when my dad went to Miami on business and brought me back a Dolphins t-shirt. It was easy to love the Dolphins in 1972, they did nothing but win. Don Shula, Bob Griese, Mercury Morris….those were the days. And I know those names without having to look them up! Go fins! (They will probably suck again this year but I still love them.)
New York Jets — (1-0) Even though I love Joe Namath. Nope. I don’t think I can mix the Jets and the Dolphins. But I won’t puke if the Jets do well.
New England Patriots — (1-0) I get annoyed just typing the name of this team. I LOATHE the Patriots. LOATHE the Patriots. DEPLOOOORRE the Patriots and their little Tom Brady, too. And Bill Belichick or however you spell his name. Oh wait, I know how to spell his name: C-H-E-A-T-E-R C-R-Y-B-A-B-Y. Please note I didn’t give them any colors in their name because I don’t like them. Two thumbs down.