The Big Fat NFL Preview or 2nd Week View: the AFC

This blog doesn’t pay enough attention to sports. I think I’ve only done one sports post and it was for the 2012 March Madness gridlock or what is that thing called that you pick the teams? The March Madness Chart. The March Madness Grid. The March Madness, ummmm, it’s called a bracket! March Madness Bracket! (You can read it if you click on that link right back there.)

Now that it’s football season, I will give my readers the benefit of my knowledge in case they are big sports betters and need some advice before calling their bookies. Today’s post will provide my analysis of the AFC. I think AFC stands for American Football Conference.

Here are the AFC teams for 2012, the standings for Week 1 and my recommendations.

AFC – WEST

Denver Broncos — (1-0) I will be supporting the Broncos this year because Payton Manning is now playing for Denver and I really like him and think he’s funny. My sister moved to Denver last year so really Denver is a no-brainer.

San Diego Chargers — (1-0) I can’t think of anything for the Chargers. Win, lose, doesn’t matter to me. They had a really cute QB when I was in high school but I can’t remember his name. I think there was an F in it. Derwood told me last night that Dan Fouts played for the Chargers but that’s not who I’m thinking of. I am thinking of Vince Ferragamo who played for the LA Rams, you can see how I got mixed up.

Kansas City Chiefs — (0-1) I’m not a big fan like I used to be when I had a Willy Lanear Slurpee cup and my aunt lived in Overland Park but I wish them well.

Oakland Raiders — (0-1) Nope. The Raiders are dark and dangerous. My dad really didn’t like them because they had long, hippie hair. There is way more long hair in football now but I still can’t forgive Oakland for starting the trend.

AFC – NORTH

Cincinatti Bengals — (0-1) I don’t have any thoughts on the Bengals.

Cleveland Browns — (0-1) Art Modell just died. He’s the guy that shut down the Browns. Back then, maybe in the 90s, I remember seeing a guy in the Cleveland crowd holding a sign that read “Hey Art! I hate you man!” Because of those “I love you man” commercials for Bud Light. As for me, I don’t have an opinion one way or the other. I’m glad Cleveland got their team back.

Baltimore Ravens – (1-0) I’m willing to give the Ravens a chance because they have such a clever literary name. I’m finally accustomed to saying Indianapolis Colts instead of the Baltimore Colts. LaLa lives in Baltimore and my BFF Kitty is from Baltimore so I will give them a thumbs up.

Pittsburgh Steelers — (0-1) Ben Rothnilsburgersnots. No.

AFC – SOUTH

Indianapolis Colts — (0-1) I’m not totally against them but see no reason to love them. Payton is in Denver. I saw former Colts coach Tony Dungy at an auction last weekend. But still no real love here. Not hate but not love.

Jacksonville Jaguars — (0-1) Despite BFF Judy being from Jax, this still feels like a made up team to me so No on Jacksonville.

Houston Texans — (1-0) No. They should be the Houston Oilers.

Tennessee Titans — (0-1) I think this is the team that used to be the Houston Oilers. None of that makes sense to me. So Tennessee?? No.

AFC – EAST

Buffalo Bills — (0-1) It’s really cold in Buffalo during the winter. I got nothing. Your call on the Bills.

Miami Dolphins — (0-1) Miami is my favorite team since childhood when my dad went to Miami on business and brought me back a Dolphins t-shirt. It was easy to love the Dolphins in 1972, they did nothing but win. Don Shula, Bob Griese, Mercury Morris….those were the days. And I know those names without having to look them up! Go fins! (They will probably suck again this year but I still love them.)

New York Jets — (1-0) Even though I love Joe Namath. Nope. I don’t think I can mix the Jets and the Dolphins. But I won’t puke if the Jets do well.

New England Patriots — (1-0) I get annoyed just typing the name of this team. I LOATHE the Patriots. LOATHE the Patriots. DEPLOOOORRE the Patriots and their little Tom Brady, too. And Bill Belichick or however you spell his name. Oh wait, I know how to spell his name:  C-H-E-A-T-E-R   C-R-Y-B-A-B-Y. Please note I didn’t give them any colors in their name because I don’t like them. Two thumbs down.

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20 thoughts on “The Big Fat NFL Preview or 2nd Week View: the AFC

  1. Jane T says:

    Very insightful! No need for Derwood to be calling me, you can talk football just fine and I agree with your insight. Gonna pass this along to my sports loving brother.

  2. LOL!! I’m in full agreement. I pick ’em the same way you do, very scientifically based on the cuteness of the QB, uniforms, geography — if I like the people from that place and if it’s a made-up team or not. If you didn’t exist in the last few years, chances are you’re not real. I used to like the New York Giants (I’m originally from New York) but I got in a huge fight with my father, like I’m never speaking to him again huge, and so I can no longer root for his team. : ( Like I said, very scientific and non-emotional choices. haha!

    • Maggie O'C says:

      I can’t wait to see how I do this season. I’m going to keep going on the football blogging and maybe I will win the Superbowl.
      I will cover the NFC tomorrow and I’m afraid I have to tell you that I am a Giants fan. My mom’s family is from waaaayyy upstate and have always been Giants fans and they beat the Pats in the Superbowl twice so I LOVE them and Eli Manning. Sorry about the fight with your dad.

  3. Margarita says:

    I grew up going to Cleveland Browns games, and remember a Browns-Jets game with Joe Namath hobbling on the sidelines with his leg in a cast. It was so long ago, I can’t even remember who won. In any event, when I moved east, I could not be a Jets fan, so the Giants it was…and what a ride it’s been! 😉 xoxoM

  4. Excellent picks, Mags. I’m not a huge football fan but I am right there with you on the hatred of the Patriots. My hatred of them is second only to my hatred of the Red Sox. Mr. Weebles is from Baltimore so he follows the Ravens but he’s mainly a Redskins fan. That poor bastard. So I’m an honorary Skins fan too. And being Skins fans, we can’t root for the Giants so we’re Jets fans. Except I don’t like Tebow.

  5. Edgar says:

    And the Raven’s quarterback is Joe Flacco (I don’t think that’s even a real last name) and he went to the University of Delaware (that shouldn’t even have a football program) which are cleverly named the Blue Hens. (I don’t know that that is a clever name) Anyway, Blue hens and ravens are both birds. See where I’m going with this? Ravens win the AFC.

  6. unfetteredbs says:

    Ahem.. first let me congratulate you on introducing sports into the arena. Second.. you were great until the LAST team you mentioned. Second.. I really hate the AFC but if I were to pick a team.. the Patriots. Come on!! GO FECKING COWBOYS. Hate the Giants.. hate hate all NY teams..
    so there you have it.. not that you asked for my stupid nonsense but you got it anyways

  7. mabukach says:

    *sigh* – A Browns fan.

  8. Fish Out of Water says:

    I’m going to be honest here. I just scrolled until I saw “dolphins”. I hate football. I agree, though, they will probably suck again this year.

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