No, I’m Not Related to Dolly Parton

I had such a great day yesterday.

Deren and I had breakfast and went shopping on NW 23rd Avenue. We stopped at the Northwest Public House and had lunch. I ate half my salad and boxed up the remainder for lunch today. Then, as I usually do, I left it in the restaurant for the staff to throw in the garbage.

The August heatwave has broken and it was a lovely day. After lunch, we couldn’t decide if we should go to a movie or go home and watch a movie. One reason I love Deren: he said, “we will flip a coin and if it’s heads we go to a movie; tails we go home.” It was heads and he didn’t equivocate and say best 2 out of 3, just we are going to the movies. We parked downtown in a parking garage but forgot our little ticket in the car so Derwood went back up and I went to Director’s Park in front of the theater to sit in the sunshine.

I sat on that wall by the fountain. (photo by Brian Libby)

I think I looked well put together for a Sunday afternoon in the city: pink tank top, neutral cardigan, white jeans, and my fave striped Dansko woven clogs. I crossed the street and a fat, drug addled woman said, “ohhh, she’s cute.” Why thank you fat meth-head in a sports bra and low rise black pants. Her two cohorts were sitting looking on, I had sunglasses on so I could look at them without them realizing I was. I couldn’t tell what was going on with them. They didn’t look particularly homeless but she was definitely a bit off. They were all dressed in black and seemed to have some amplifiers with them and luggage. One of the guys said, “Are you related to Dolly Parton?”

BAM! Stupid homeless drug guy takes a shot and hits the bullseye! I hate my boobs and his comment makes me immediately self-conscious. And it’s stupid. I have DDs, Dolly Parton has like J’s! I sit in the sunshine pouting and getting all teary. Deren comes back and I tell him what the guy said. I have sunglasses on so Derwood can’t see my face and doesn’t realize I’m really upset. So Derwood says, “I am not an animal!” I think he said it twice. So now I have the meth head guy comparing me to Dolly Parton and her ginormous boobs; and my boyfriend referencing the Elephant Man.

I immediately go into pouting teenage girl mode. Derwood tries to put his arm around me and I shrug him off saying, “Please don’t touch me.” Pout in the ticket line, up the escalator, snack area. No I don’t want any popcorn! I want nothing! I stomp off to the theater. We get into the theater and sit down and I look over at Derwood. He really is such a good guy, I need to get over this and enjoy our day. I apologize for being so pissy and laugh and smile. “Um, I actually do want some popcorn (as if I’m EVER going to a movie without popcorn).” Second reason to adore Derwood, he holds up his wallet and says, “why do you think I still have this out?” And he got me popcorn.

I have never been bullied. I have never been a bully, except with my younger sisters and that’s what they get for being younger. My children haven’t been bullied and as far as I know they do not bully. I know Annie is particularly aware of children who are having a rough time and is very supportive. There are bloggers on WordPress who write about their painful pasts being bullied. Here I am at 47 and some homeless guy making a pretty bland comment about my chestral endowment really hit me hard. Bullies have that gift for finding the one characteristic you are most self-conscious about, the attribute you detest most in yourself; they aim the dart right there, hit the soft spot and then gloat.

I can’t imagine being a child or young person and persistently being taunted whether it’s about your personality, hair color, smarts, weight, etc. I felt that pain yesterday and I knew it was silly but it definitely stung. Derwood told me I should have said, “Hey dick, why don’t you get a house!?” hahahah! for some reason that really cracked me up. I know that as an adult, I should pity other adults (let’s say these jerks were in their mid- to late 20s) whose lives are so financially and emotionally impoverished that they behave like nasty 10-year-olds on a playground. But I didn’t. I really was upset and wanted to spew insults back at them. I didn’t because what good what it do? My retorts would only show they had gotten to me and that I was willing to lower myself to their level.

I’m 47. I can reason through this silly little incident and I’m okay. It really bothered me enough that I am still thinking about it and writing about it; but I am fine. I am so sorry for those being bullied and those who have been bullied. Please ask for help. Don’t let them win. Simply by being bullies they have let the world know that they are cowards.

42 thoughts on “No, I’m Not Related to Dolly Parton

  1. Younger you was kind of bullied. Before my surgery, a girl I knew called me thunder tits. It stung at the time because I was 14 and I didn’t know what to do with large Cs. At FFF I was like yeah…I can’t hold up my own body. So I have always hated mine too, but I am always trying to “just let myself be myself.”

    I guess what I am saying is boo homeless guy comment, and yay for fat meth-head in a sports bra and low rise black pants.

    1. I feel for you and I’m glad you had surgery. Just as soon as I think, I’m cool with being a short busty little broad some meth head comes along and harshs my buzz. Dick.

  2. Mags, I think we’re all sensitive of those things that we think are “wrong” with us. In his own, weird, albeit stupid way, he probably meant it as a compliment. Be proud of your girls and stand tall with your shoulders back. Own it, baby. I’m sure you rocked it. ;).

      1. Me too! There’s always going to be bullies and it’s up to us to teach the generation coming up how important it is to treat one another with kindness and respect.

        And seriously, who goes to a movie without eating or buying popcorn? πŸ˜‰

  3. Kitty Bone

    Just be glad you got your girls later in life. High school with those babies would have been tough. (Like I would ever know :)).

      1. Kitty Bone

        She has no idea what that job is like. And if she thinks her biggest concern is clearing her shoes…I got news for her!

  4. aallegoric

    I’m so sorry to read about this! But I’m glad you’re coping so well with it.
    Afterwards, it’s always easier to come up with a witty reply..but when it happens you’re just shocked…and don’t know what to do – unless you’re really confident, I guess. The kind of confidence that can kill people by only looking at them πŸ˜‰
    But it’s so good that you didn’t let it ruin your day. xx

  5. Christopher De Voss

    It seems people don’t feel the need to filter themselves anymore. It’s a shame. No one should feel ashamed of their form. A woman’s body is beautiful. Don’t let assholes ruin your day out.

  6. As you know, I sympathize, Maggie. It’s amazing how people feel so free to comment so openly and so rudely. Just reading about those idiots makes me want to bathe. I was bullied and teased as a kid, and even now those feelings can come roaring back pretty quickly when I get unwanted comments. I’m glad Derwood was there to get you some popcorn, although if Mr. Weebles ever pulled that “I am not an animal” thing with me he’d be singing soprano for the rest of his life.

  7. Dipshit

    Your sunglasses are huge! There is no way I could have known. I was just making fun of his ridiculous comment. I’m sorry!! I’m an idiot.

    Yep, still apologizing………………….

    1. oh Derwood. You recovered by giving me the line “hey dick why don’t you get a house?!” hahahaha

      And my sunglasses are NOT huge, my boobs are huge, my sunglasses are not.

  8. Anonymous

    he was a homeless guy honey! Probably not all there and I know lots of men who revere dolly and her girls, so he many have been giving you the biggest compliment he could muster. And even meth heads and the homeless notice you bc you are a gorgeous, stylish WASPy thing. You don’t get to be in their sports bras and roadie jobs by being articulate. Xoxo

  9. susan

    you are fabulous. i, too, wish there was some kind of “freecycle” set up, so i could donate some of my chest to those who would better appreciate it. separate from my body, i mean. oh, you KNOW what i mean! and i commend you for taking the high (and safe) road and not retaliating, but one of my favorite put downs of all-time comes to mind: bette midler in ‘the rose’, in a redneck bar to the creep that is hassling them: “if your dick is as small as your brain, you’re in a HELL of a lot of trouble!” xoxo

  10. When something upsetting like this happens, I urge you to consider the source of the upset. If it had been from Walter Cronkite, at one time the most trusted man in America, that would have been devastating. It sounds to me that this guy was just a loudmouth loser with the intellectual capacity of a small soap dish. An insensitive dolt like that is not someone that’s going to make the world a better place unless he decides to take a long walk off a short pier until his hat floats. Cheer up.

  11. Mrs. P

    Well, if there is anything to be learned, it’s that being harassed sucks and unless ou truly experience it, you can’t sympathize. Your boobs and this homeless man gave you new insight and encouraged you to write this beautiful post.
    Silver lining….

  12. GGRRRR!! Kitty DrunkDrunk and I are FURIOUS! No one makes our MOC cry and gets away with it!! We are dispatching to the scene immediately to make their meth-head mouths into our personal litterboxes.

    1. Thank you! However, I worry b/c it looked like they had speakers with them and if K DD gets near a microphone…right?
      FYI, K DD was a conversation topic at a dinner party I attended a couple of nights ago. I have my friends hooked on her!

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