Tag Archives: le Clown

How the Game Should Be Played

Play fair. Don’t hit people. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Robert Fulghum

The game may be dodge ball. The game may be Mystery Date. The game may be life (not the game of Life but life as we know it, like living everyday). The game may be blogging; in this case, it is blogging.

When I started this blog, I didn’t get a rule sheet from WordPress on how to do it. WP offers tips and tricks and advice on blogging but I haven’t read those because I don’t like to read true things. I assume I’m doing okay until someone informs me that I’m not.

I have only had one confrontation on WordPress, one serious, nasty confrontation. And happily that blog has been removed from my and most everyone I associate with blogrolls. Sure, I have had disagreements. I have voiced an opposing viewpoint but that is public discourse and I do my best to adhere to the rules of civil public discourse. I am happy to agree to disagree.

Over the Christmas season, I made the decision to stop reading my friend Le Clown’s blog. This was difficult for me because we are so totally friends, I have like totally talked to him on the phone before. So bite that, all you wannabe amies du Clown.  Eric is a friend. We come from very different ends of the political spectrum. Agree to disagree. He’s Canadian. I’m deceased descended from a Canadian. He is a parent and I am a parent. We are both laugh out loud, wet your pants, gaggingly hilarious. But still I had to stop visiting his blog. I actually opted to not even get alerts from his blog because it bummed me out that I wasn’t going to read it.

sorry

Why did this happen?

Eric, who was raised in a Catholic household but is no longer a practicing Catholic, decided to make a bold statement on his blog about the commercialization of Christmas and the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. Le Clown is known for pushing envelopes all over the place, as a matter of fact (not really), I just found one under my desk. I typically, grin and shake my head, “ahhh Le Clown, you rascal.” But not this time. My friend’s Christmas statement included a mast head of the crucifixion but in Eric’s version, Jesus, and the two other criminals nailed to the crosses, wore photo-shopped Santa Hats.

Let’s set aside the fact that the crucifixion is for Easter not Christmas and just look at the problem I was having. I couldn’t look at those images. I felt guilty (I know, I’m Catholic) just seeing them. I felt that if I were reading that blog, that I was tacitly okaying blasphemy. I’m not the best Catholic in the world at all but I do have a strong and devout faith. This image was nauseating and so ugly to me, I couldn’t overlook it. I couldn’t give it a pass. I abhor plenty of the Catholic Church’s actions and stances but I have faith in the birth, life and death of Jesus, the Son of God. I am comforted by the ritual of the Mass…until the Church changed the words a year ago, thanks for that Benedict.

I made the decision to stop visiting my friend’s blog. He noticed I was gone and understood why. I didn’t post a comment lecturing him on his choice of mast head. I knew Eric was not trying to hurt or upset me, even though he had. The masthead made me sick so I decided not to look at it. I vehemently disagreed with Le Clown’s statement but I will always defend his right to make it.

I get so tired of people bitching about banning this or that TV show, website, video game, etc. Censorship is not the answer. Vote with your feet, your wallet, your mouse….don’t watch it. Don’t buy it. Don’t visit your friend’s blog. That’s all.

BUT here comes the good part. Here is the reason that my friend Eric is a force on WordPress and I know is going places with his career and his writing and all of his Magnificent (I don’t know how to make that TM thingy Eric so shut it) projects.

He heard and understood what many of his readers were telling him. He took down the masthead and….wait for it…. he apologized for hurting and upsetting his friends and readers. Here is his post. Read it. This lesson applies to blogs and non-blogs, to situations and relationships on and off line. “Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.” That sounds easy but we all know that apologizing is hard. Swallowing your pride and admitting you went too far whether it is on line with the blogging community or with your kids or your best friend or the check out girl at the grocery store; it’s not easy but it is the right thing to do and you will win the respect of others. More importantly, you will know that you did the right thing.

“Sorry” is a powerful word and should not be overused lest it lose its import. The Catholic Church has a rule about making a “Good” confession. Sure, you can go confess whatever the hell you want and you will get penance and, as many think, Ta DAH… you’re all done. You’re all clear. Wait a minute though, if you are just saying you’re sorry and you don’t mean it and you know you’re going to go right out and do it again, that confession means nothing. The penance means nothing. There is no reconciliation.

Any confession, any apology must be sincere or it is meaningless.

Merci, mon ami, Le Clown. You are an example of what it means to be a good human.

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Big F Little f, What Begins with F?

Fat Fun Friday….F  f  F!

Have you ever read Dr. Seuss’s ABC’s? I loved that book when I was a kid and now my kids have gone through it and I think I have given it to my nephew.

Four fuzzy feathers on a fiffer feffer fef. I think.

Pre Friday Fantasy

Last night I had such a great entry into Friday. A personal dream came true. A dream that many bloggers never dare to dream but I have now lived the dream. Le Clown called me on my personal cellular telephone.

No, sit down. Get a drink of water and relax. What I have just written is true. It’s all true!

Le Clown.

Telephoned Maggie.

And we spoke to each other.

I have heard the dulcet tones, the wisp of an accent, the way the words “fuck that” roll off his tongue like curse words from a French Canadian blogger or honey off a duck’s back.

Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. So happy Friday to me!

Funny story.

Last night my dog, Mudd (135 pounds of love) wanted to get up on the bed and sleep with me which he does on a fairly regular basis. When Mudd wants to get up, he will stand at the foot of the bed wagging his tail until I slap the mattress and say, “C’mon!” And he jumps up and settles in and we’re done. Sadly Mudd couldn’t get up on the bed last night because his place was being taken up by Sugar, the cat (8 pounds of “you can’t scratch this”). I had turned my light out but I could hear him walking around the bed whining but not daring to disturb Sugar. I didn’t say “c’mon!”. I decided to let the two of them work it out. I could work at the U.N.

Mudd and Sugar

Mudd continues pacing but the cat won’t move. So then he pulls his move to really show us. He sighs loudly and walks out of the room as if to say, “oh fine, I will go alone out to the living room and sleep on my dog bed ALONE.” But, he doesn’t actually go down the hall. He goes through all the motions but just stands in the hall outside my door for a minute or so waiting for me to plead for him to come back, which doesn’t happen.  Finally, he comes back in the room, sighs heavily again and flops down on the floor. He showed us!

Funny File

I have funny files. I have stacks of old page-a-day calendar pages that I keep at work to amuse myself. Example:

Far Side, forever funny.

I have cards and comic strips and photos at home that make me laugh. I have files in my email of funny things.  “Sometimes I just think funny things!” (what movie?)

I JUST figured out how to put video on my blog!!! I’m funny but slow. Watch this! It is hilarious and reminds me of LaLa.

Have a fabulous and funny Friday and a wonderful weekend!

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Back to My Roots

I reposted my original Weigh In Wednesday post this morning. Back in January I started my diet, knowing I needed to lose 20-30 pounds. I lost 11. I weighed myself this morning and I’ve gained back 7 so if I divide the number of pounds by the number of months dieting and factor in daily calories with burning time when will I get to Seattle?

That story problem brings me back to the diet bandwagon. I haven’t done Sparkpeople in months. It is a really good program for losing weight mainly because it has a calorie/protein/fat/carb/geiger/sugar counter and that is what seems to work for me. Not that I intend to go back on Sparkpeople but when I do it works and then I’d lose weight and you all would be jealous of me and stop reading my blog because “screw her for being all hot and thin, maybe her Sparkfriends will read her but I’m going to go eat some cheese.”

I’ll shoot for 10 lbs first and see if I can at least get that done without making everyone envious of my white hot sexiness. I justify my weight by noting that I have a large chest which I believe weighs 12 pounds so I’m not fat just bodacious.

Blogging

One of the reasons Sparkpeople stopped engaging me was that I like WordPress better. I began blogging on Sparkpeople but Sparkpeople are internet people concerned with diet, health and weight loss.

WordPresspeople are internet people interested in words and writing and thinking; being hilarious and tortured; in storytelling, in food and pictures of food, traveling to get to food, putting alcohol with food, giving their children food, giving their animals food, and food.

Here on WordPress, I am part of a community. I should mention that I recently made it on to Eric’s blogroll on Clown on Fire. And he made me this badge which I need to put on my award page.

I’m learning about blogging but clearly not learning enough because I can’t for the life of me figure out why people read what they do. I posted something that I really liked yesterday but it wasn’t a hit. Then I think well maybe it’s the categories. When I limit the categories I limit the readers maybe?

Then I look at search terms people use and wind up finding my blog and those are fascinating troublesome.

Here’s the first one to come up today:

women naked together locker

That makes sense although I kind of shake my head at whoever was searching for that. I’m sure yesterday’s blog disappointed them.

The most popular search term for finding my blog: fat nudes

Other perfectly reasonable search terms:

  • lemon pushups and running
  • read or dream of fat maggie
  • Justin Bieber boners 2012
  • Does Rob Kardashian Like big boobs
  • Fat sister fart 

I think you get the idea and now understand why I am more comfortable here. WordPress is highbrow. WordPress is for writers, and for the writer who farts.

Whatever gets people here, I don’t care. All of you make me happy. I recently was notified that I have more than 200 blogger followers, 207 to be exact. I have almost 20,000 hits. I still don’t know how to put video in my blog or put links in comments and….

I still need to lose 20 lbs.

I might change the name of my blog to “Fat Sister Fart”.

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This Post Has it All!

I’m telling you folks, this post has it all! Crafts! Home repairs! Shopping! Travel! Innocent children! Food! All you want out of a blog! And it includes my tribute to Le Clown’s weekend blog challenge that I didn’t get to during the weekend.

I went shopping at my favorite antique mall STARS.

I thought of Le Clown

While at STARS, I saw many rustic painted signs for home and garden. They cost money and I’m trying to save my pennies or at the very least spend them on things I actually NEED. So I didn’t buy one of those cute rustic signs, I did this!

I found this on the beach years ago and dragged it home and kept it.

I went to Michael’s (craft store) and bought two little bottles of Martha Stewart spring green craft paint and a set of stencils. I went home and dragged the wood sign or fence or whatever it was up onto my deck and prepped it for being crafted.

In the garage, I found the white paint that had been used for the trim in my bathroom and that’s wood so I figured it would work.

Wood with paint and stencils on it.

Presto! For much less than the $45 I would have spent at STARS for a garden sign, I made my own!

My sign says it all for about $7.

First project done. I move onto the next. I have been waiting to do this project until I had a power screwdriver but screw forget that, I decided to borrow one from my neighbor. My neighbor told me that I could just tap the screws in with a hammer and use a regular screwdriver. I think his garage is really messy and he wanted me to go away.

I went back and tapped those screws and screwed them all by myself! And this is what resulted:

My towel hook, screwed with my own two hands.

Oh and then,

and then a brief thought of Le Clown.

On Sunday, Derwood and I went for a drive to look at covered bridges in Cottage Grove, Oregon….because we are precious like that.

We saw two boys fishing at one of the bridges and it was so Tom and Huck sweet!

Can you see them? How cute is that?!

and here is a covered bridge:

Just call us Meryl and Clint

Just think

about Le Clown

We drove on through the countryside and found a park for a picnic.

Here is the food portion of the blog.

Look at our picnic, with a tablecloth!

And we brought Mudd with us!

A big ol’ dog for traveling and picnicking!

So it is clear that this post has everything that WordPress looks for in a post to Freshly Press: arts and crafts project with how-tos, do it yourself home improvement, Le Clown, travelogue, food, photos, children, animals.

They should fucking Freshly Press the shit out of this.

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Only One Left

Here are my captions so far:

  1. “You had me at dijonnaise”
  2. “Kids! Sing the Sandwich Song!”
  3. ” I love back bacon eh!”
  4. “Truly, I could mount this sandwich.”
  5. “oh yeah, I’m gonna need a butt plug.”
  6. “Yo WordPress, Freshly Press this…in your ass.”
  7. “This tastes like Chris DeVoss.
  8. “This _____ is making me ______ and ______ in my ______.”
  9. “I dig this sandwich like chicks dig my manicure.”

Now I just need one more!!! Just one!!

Caption this!

 

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Help! I Need Somebody!

I am competing for a spot on Le Clown’s Magnificent Blog Roll and I need your help, this is arduous work.

Today’s contest is coming up with captions for the photo shown below. I am no good at captioning things so HELP!

Le Clown is Magnificent, he is artistic and smart and rude. He has a sock monkey that he breast feeds in public. He lives in Montreal and they do things like that there. There is nothing that anyone can say to offend him so let loose! I’m counting on you. Please leave your captions in the comments section and your shoes at the door. I’m just joking, I run a “shoe on” household.

What is Le Clown thinking? or doing, for that matter.

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