Today I bought a yoga DVD at Target. It is two DVDs one for 15 minute results on upper body, lower body, abs and all over conditioning and one for cardio burn. I also picked this one because Mariel Hemingway is in it and I like her. I came home from work, changed into my yoga clothes, got the mat out, unwrapped the DVD, got the weird strip off the opening part and was ready to go!
I moved the furniture, rolled out the mat, put the DVD in the player and here we go.
Oh, there’s an advertisement, I’ll just skip over that.
And another ad, skip by that.
One more ad, and I’ll skip that one, too.
Annnnd here we go!
Oh dang, it’s all pixelated. I must have flipped through it too fast and upset its chi or something. I’ll just take it out and wipe it clean on my yoga pants and blow the dust out of the DVD player that plays my Looney Toons DVDs just fine.
I’ll just let it play the ads and do a little stretching. Ahhhh….
The first ad is for his other DVDs, I’ll stretch out my lower back. Good.
And then one for a five day package to get you going. Their voices are soothing so this is okay.
And lastly, a yoga starter package with a mat, strap and blocks and DVDs. Not a bad idea. Stretttcchhh…
Ohgoddammit!!! It’s still fucking pixelated! I can sort of see Mariel but I can’t understand what they’re saying!
Ack! I took it out again and soothed it to give it a 3rd time’s a charm try!
Ad, skip. Ad, skip. Ad, skip
And fuck me! This is scratched! It’s not working!! I am going to break this stupid remote in half and feed it to the damn DVD player.
You know what?! I’m not doing any damn yoga. I tried and it didn’t work. I’m going to get some wine.
Namaste, you DVD yoga bastards.