He’s Baaaack

My nephew, Matt, spent the night last night. As some of you may recall, Matt and his mom, my sister Molly, lived with me for a few months while their house was being finished when they moved up from Texas. I have provided some links in this paragraph to some earlier Matt posts.

Important aside: I started typing this and then decided to run down and get a salad for lunch from the lobby cafe. I ordered my salad and went to the restroom. I got locked in the stall and had to mention that fact a few times before another woman asked, “Do you need some help?” Uh yeah, that’s why I’m throwing my body against the door and commenting that I can’t get out! Dignity is my middle name.

Okay, so Matt spent the night last night. He is 5 and in Kindergarten. The interesting thing about dealing with Matt is that he is like Calvin in Calvin and Hobbes. He’s 5 but talking to him can be like talking to an adult. He’s really smart. And I know how people always say how “really smart” their kids are but he is different. He’s “5 but like a 5th grader academically” smart. No, he’s smarter than a 5th grader because he’s smarter than me and I know I’m smarter than a 5th grader.

Matt with a map he made in preschool. And no, an adult didn't tell him where each state is or give him a map to copy.
Matt with a map he made in preschool. And no, an adult didn’t tell him where each state is or give him a map to copy.

I could give Matt a blank map of the globe and he could fill in all the countries. Matt, my 5 year old nephew, knows all, ALL the countries on earth and where they are located. He knows all the departments or states or whatever the regions are called in Australia. Matt helps me with directions when I’m driving. Whenever Matt tells me something, when I used to doubt a kid his age knowing that, now I say, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”


So that’s who I’m dealing with because Molly had a weekend away and God knows she needs it. While Matt is adorable, he is exhausting.

New most popular Matt words and phrases:

Totally. As in, “Matt do you want to go to the Pittock Mansion?” “Totally.”

You got it. As in, “Matt will you feed the animals please?” “You got it, Aunt Maggie!”

I prefer. As in, “I prefer to not eat the rest of my dinner and have popcorn.” Good luck with that kid.

We started our adventure by going over to my ex-husband’s to see the girls’ new kitten, Teddy. Five-year-old Matt jumped around like a loon, chased the kitten and tried to sneak the words “poop” and “toot” into every sentence.

We then went to buy flowers and go to the cemetery to leave them at my parents’ grave.  We had some chatting about burial stones and if Baba and MeMe could hear him if he talked to them. I said, “yes”.  On the way home, the fun began.

“Aunt Maggie, do you know what favorite person of mine you are?” No, I barely know what that sentence means. As it turns out, I’m number 9. His mother only made it to number 4. Lola, the girl at his school who he is going to marry is number 1.

“Aunt Maggie, if it points to the red, is it out of gas?” Yes, but we have 100 miles worth of gas left. “Does your gas go down like 100, 95, 90, 85 or 100, 90, 80?”

“Aunt Maggie, is there an airbag in this seat?”

“Aunt Maggie, what is an airbag warning?”

“Aunt Maggie, can we have spaghetti for dinner?” Yes. “And lemonade?” Yes. “And popcorn?” Yes.

“Aunt Maggie, I don’t like hot sauce on my spaghetti.” That’s not hot sauce, it’s spaghetti sauce. “I know, I was just joking.”

“Aunt Maggie, how many minutes till Uncle Deren gets home?” Five minutes pass. “Aunt Maggie, how many minutes since you said 20 minutes till Uncle Deren gets home?”

“Uncle Deren, I’m listening to my music for 7 minutes, so come check on me at 8:50.”

“Aunt Maggie, I didn’t feed the dog because he didn’t follow me and there are three meatballs in his bowl.” There are what? Matt, how do you think the meatballs got in his bowl? “Uncle Deren.” Yeah, I think you’re right.

Here’s a good Matt story. The last time he spent the night at my house, he gathered up books to read before bed. And he got out one of my faves, a collection of children’s books.

“Aunt Maggie, what story do you like the least in this book?”

“I don’t know, how about ‘Alexander and the No Good Horrible Very Bad Day’?” or whatever that story is called.

“Why don’t you like it?” I think Alexander is a whiner.

OK kid, you want to read a story?

“Uh Yes! let’s read the story on uhhh, page 119.”

I turn to page 119 and it’s the damn “Alexander and the No Good blah blah blah day”

Matt, you gotta give me a break. I’m 48 and I can’t keep up with you.


9 replies to “He’s Baaaack

  1. I love your Mattscapades! He’s amazing.
    And FYI – we call them states and territories. But hey, I’m hard up drawing a map of our country, and we don’t have half as many states as you. That map of Matt’s is totally awesome.
    Glad you escaped the stall.

    1. I’m going to adopt Mattscapades, good one!
      Glad I escaped, too. I was honestly wondering if I was going to have to crawl out under the door because people were politely ignoring my freaking out that I couldn’t get the door open. I am a piece of work.

  2. Loved this – been there with The Neph, and I think a day of rest after they go back home should be mandatory! I’m extremely impressed with that map of the US, holy crap!

  3. Matt sounds like a very clever kid. Tell him that when he’s ten times age five, and entering the complete burnout stage in life, he can eat popcorn for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Or maybe don’t mention that. I’m a scosh more Star Trek Spock than Benjamin Spock.

  4. OMG I want him to be that precocious 5 year old on a sitcom. Can we make that happen? Also, I think “Dignity is my middle name” is among my favorite Maggie quotes!

    1. We would have to have you walk on your knees because aren’t you 6’3″? But yes, we can make that happen.

      I am dignified, I’m 48 and I got in a wrestling match with a bathroom stall door, a public bathroom with two other women in there silently hoping I would stop fighting with the door.

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