Doctor, Doctor

Play this if you want a lovely accompaniment to my post and to remember just how awesome the 80s were.

Some readers who have been around here from the beginning may recall that I had to stop going to the doctor in 2011 because she kept telling me that I was fat and had high blood pressure. I have always had low blood pressure but I got so tense going to this doctor (a Chinese woman at least 10 years my junior and the size of my arm) that I started having high blood pressure (130/80). There was also Hector to deal with. Hector is her assistant. Hector calls me Margaret. I went there for a good 12-15 years, someone there should have known that I don’t go by Margaret, God knows I told them often enough. I would sit in the waiting room listening to Hector calling for “Margaret”, thinking “shit, Margaret better move her ass in there because I am waiting!” Hector has the personality of the keyboard I’m typing on but not as bubbly.  And he is unrelenting in his monotone judgements of me and my stocky self.

A month ago, I decided I had to go to the doctor just because you should get checked out occasionally especially when you are staring down the barrel of 50.  And I am. Also Hector had called and left Margaret a message that she had to come in or they wouldn’t refill her Prozac and when Margaret doesn’t have her Prozac she constantly feels like she left the iron on, which while not debilitating is a tad uncomfortable.

I found a NEW doctor and signed the forms to have my records transferred to the new office. Last week Hector called, I’m sure to see why I was leaving that practice and I hit 33 skipped that message and deleted his ass.

I went to see the new doctor yesterday.

I was nervous but I had steeled myself to just say, “yeah, I’m fat but I’m happy and I don’t eat junk food. And if I need blood pressure medication, so be it!”  I’m almost 50 (well 49) hear me roar!

The doctor has a very nice assistant who is 39 and looks like Rashida Jones and we chatted after she weighed me (not good but no surprises) and measured me (almost 5’3″) and guess what?! My blood pressure is 110/80 because goddam Hector wasn’t anywhere near me.

The doctor is very nice. Checked me out, everything sounds good. Then we get to the pesky questions….

Do you smoke?

Yes, when I’m drinking.

You shouldn’t smoke.

I know that.

Smoking raises your blood pressure.

Oh.

How much do your drink? Uhhhhh….

Here is where I try to come up with a reasonable lie because if I told the truth, this sweet young woman would faint.

I don’t know.

What do you drink?

Wine.

How much wine do you drink in a week?

I drink 8 glasses of wine a week.

Oh! that’s too much!

What?! Really?! (yes I really said that because I thought this was a good compromise answer).

You know alcohol raises your blood pressure.

(In my head) Well you know what doc, no it doesn’t because we just took my blood pressure didn’t we and it is 110/80.

I think she was confused and thought I said 8 glasses a day, which would be a lot and I’d only do that on a weekend, pretty much. She can’t handle the truth.

wine

AND this lovely woman gave me a referral to a plastic surgeon for a breast reduction!!! That will be a fun journey for us to go on together. I hope your are as excited as I am!

Have a lovely weekend, full of wine and low blood pressure. I should write greeting cards.

And here is something interesting….since my last post a couple of days ago, I have lost 139 followers. What?! Not that it matters since I think many of them aren’t even real. Do you think WP cleans out the junk followers?

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26 thoughts on “Doctor, Doctor

  1. Molly says:

    I mean, look: I am a total goody two shoes at the doctor. Just go ahead and get me my trophy, I can wait. But eight glasses of wine a WEEK? Like about one a day? How is that too much? The whole world is doing that. I think that might even be an official government-issued health guideline. “Drink eight glasses of wine for optimal health. Signed, the USA (and other countries too, for the record).”

    You should do one of those Swingers style voicemail things. “Hi I just wanted to clarify on the wine thing.” “Hi it’s Maggie, did you get my voicemail? About the wine? Lemme know.” “Hi again, I only had five glasses this week, can you put that in my chart?”

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Right?! I totally thought I had given the winning lying answer! How can 8 glasses of wine a week be a problem. I really think she thought I said 8 bottles and while I have done that in the dark days of my past, I don’t come close to that now.

      I’m gonna give them a call and let them know where the mix up may have been. And she gave me her email so I can also email her. I’ll do that, too. I’ll let her know how she can contact me because i didn’t say 8 bottles. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

  2. Brigitte says:

    Maggie, I HATE going to the doctor. I have white coat syndrome big time. Whenever a doctor comes near, my blood pressure goes up. Once, a great doctor took it and it was about 128/80 (which btw isn’t horrible) and then she said let’s take it again in a few minutes. We did and it as great, like 110/69. You sound pretty normal to me, not at all fat and you’re honest. Most people aren’t with their doctor but it’s so necessary especially at middle-age. Grrr. You have to like your doc or it just doesn’t work. Where do some of these smoes get their bedside manner anyway??? Pisses me off when they are robotic and it does sound like Hector sucked.

    Anyway, here’s to the weekend and normal peeps’ once in a while vices. 🙂

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Brig- I was so freaked out and have been for two years thinking I had high blood pressure, which I don’t think 130/80 is that high but they made it sound so dire. And you are so right about the middle aged thing. My mother died and probably hadn’t been to the doctor in 30 years, I’m not goin’ out that way. And I am heading into 50 so things are going to start falling apart and I need to be comfortable going to someone about that.

      Hector is a smug, humorless pain in the ass.

      Happy weekend!

  3. you are adorable–I love your attitude!

  4. Margarita says:

    ‘Bout time you gave Hector the pink slip. Good for you, Maggie! xoxoM

  5. I have white coat syndrome, too, but I had to get over that recently since denial was not working its usual magic. At least my doctor, specifically my gastroenterologist, is someone I genuinely like a lot. This is a good thing because he keeps me alive, spending so much time looking down my esophagus and up my poop chute. Whenever he asks about my drinking, I just blow through that question by saying, “Social, when I’m with my friends.” That’s a truthful enough answer that’s gotten me around getting specific.

  6. Oh Mags, the thought of the Dr. used to drive my low BP through the roof. Now I lie before stepping one the scale and tell them I weigh about 5-10 more pounds than I do. They are so pleased with my “loss” that they cut me slack in that moment. Reasons I love current Dr. are: 1. She knows my name is Laurie not Laurette (pretty, but only called that by Mom when I was in trouble) 2. We can talk about my weight like real people. She pretty much wants to rule out overeating to make sure it isn’t medical. I ‘fess up when I know good and well what’s up, and we do tests when I don’t. Love her. btw 8 glasses of wine I’m down 🙂

  7. Nic says:

    Um, not even kidding – I TOO struggle with HBP. Was diagnosed at TWENTY… and get this, I was at my skinniest at the time!!! Like, 6’3″ and weighed 168 (yes, I have the number memorized… oh it was glorious). Anyway, my Dr was so perplexed because she was all “I can’t even tell you to lose weight!” After a million tests and diet changes, I eventually was put on Lisinopril, but then this year I got off of it and my BP is MOSTLY normal, which Hallelujah. I totally give the credit to meditation and a healthy diet… I do still drink though, like, daily. So there’s that.

    Anyway, AGAIN I make it about me… I just. I don’t even know what to say.

  8. El Guapo says:

    As long as I don’t lose my new follower, vegasheatingsystems.com, I’ll be okay.
    (Seriously? Heating systems in the desert?)

    I like my doctors. I’ve been going to them long enough that they expect my stupidity and don’t dwell on it any more than necessary.
    Glad you found a doctor you like more!

  9. Addie says:

    With my health history since 2006–the year of the Cancer–I have grown to hate white coats. Just give me my pills, and STFU.

    I’d love a Breast Pick Me Up. *sigh*

  10. oh god we’re twins Maggie except that I’m a couple of years older, I do have high blood pressure and I didn’t have 8 glasses of wine but on the doctor thing YEAH…I need to find one that doesn’t make me never want to go again too…

  11. godtisx says:

    It’s possible WP cleaned out those profiles, and because of that the follows dropped?

    Anyway, I won’t be a speech. But… High Blood Pressure can be very dangerous.

    So, well….well you are a grown up. 🙂 You already know the next bit.

    All the best with the surgery though…

  12. Well, Margaret, I hope the new doctor is still treating you well. If we’re going to solve crimes and track down smugglers, etc, you need to be in tiptop health.

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