Air Travel and Air Shopping

We have returned from the honeymoon and I will write a few blogs with pictures to tell you all about it. Consider it a slide show of a trip you didn’t go on delivered right to your home, that way you don’t have to come all the way to my house for some fondue and be trapped on the couch in the dark while I narrate 10 days worth of leaf pictures.

Derwood’s company paid for our airfare as a wedding present which was very generous. If you want to fly from Portland, Oregon to Syracuse, NY….United is pretty much the airline to take you. I used to fly United a lot in college and I loved United. I don’t care for United that much anymore. The company bought the tickets. We paid $25 per bag in each direction to check bags. If we had brought on a bag that didn’t fit as a carry-on, those we could have checked for free. So we each paid $25 for simply not being complete assholes.

We paid for our seats. There are only so many “free” seats on United flights, if you don’t snag one of those, you pay for it. Could be $32 for a seat, could be $86, you don’t know but if you want to sit inside the passenger cabin of the plane and you didn’t get a “free” seat, you are going to pay to sit your ass down. I don’t know what it costs to go with your baggage down below.

While we were getting settled in our Economy Plus seats, a voice came over the intercom welcoming us to our flight to Chicago. The voice was a woman’s although she sounded like she was 13. She identified herself as “Captain Emily”. Really? Captain Emily? Good for you young lady for completing the training and landing a job (heh heh) as a commercial airline pilot but this isn’t preschool. What about going with “Captain Emily Lindbergh” or something like that, give yourself at least the air of authority. (I know! I did it again!!)

Sky Shopping

I know plenty of people have written about the Sky Mall but I’m going to simply because I noticed some interesting consumer product trends for things I didn’t even realize I was missing in my life. The products fall into a few different categories:

Pets

Sky Mall has dog toys the likes of which I have never seen in a pet store. The following are photos from Sky Mall’s website (all photos are courtesy of Sky Mall) of dogs with chew toys, which when the dogs hold them in their mouths (which dogs rarely EVER do) makes the dog look like a complete moron.

Thanks for thinking of me but I'd prefer a tennis ball.

Thanks for thinking of me but I’d prefer a tennis ball.

I'm a Great Dane and even I am smart enough to realize this is very unattractive.

I’m a Great Dane and even I am smart enough to realize this is very unattractive.

I do have a cat and had no idea about the options available for litter boxes and cat potty training.

I would happily pay $100-$150 to have the litter box a little closer to my living area.

I would happily pay $100-$150 to have the litter box a little closer to my living area.

Or just $50 for a cat toilet training system. I'd love to have to knock to make sure I wasn't interrupting Lula on the can.

Or just $50 for a cat toilet training system. I’d have to remind the kids to knock to make sure they didn’t interrupt Lula on the can.

Here’s a neat set up for the dog. Evidently the product inventors for Sky Mall think dogs are much smarter than they are while also thinking they are completely brain dead.

Here you go Fido, your own personal park!

Here you go Fido, your own personal park!

And, uh Fido? Make sure you go in the spot where the "catch basin" is. Thanks.

And, uh Fido? Make sure you go in the spot where the “catch basin” is. Thanks.

Comfortable sleeping apparati

This is clearly a very important and underserved market! Look at all these products available to help you comfortably sleep sitting up! Don’t all these women look sooo comfortable:

neck2

She’s smiling in her sleep she’s so happy and comfortable and asleep.

neck5

There is no question in my mind that a man invented this one.

neck3

Makes me feel all snuggly.

neck1 neck4

Look at how comfy and asleep this toddler is:

kidneckOutdoor/garden products

Let’s begin with the practical options. Here is the solution for your areas where you find it hard to grow ivy. You know how tough it can be to get ivy to grow, it’s like bamboo…so temperamental. For under a $100 per order, here’s what you can get from Sky Mall:

ivy40

Plastic ivy looks so much better

Plastic ivy looks so much better

Here are some nifty garden decor items. I don’t think they need descriptions but I will give you pricing so you know if you can add to your backyard treasure collection. Keep in mind….Sky Mall’s objective with most of it’s garden art is to scare children and give adults nightmares.

$90. Garden Panther works 60% of the time...every time

$90. Garden Panther works 60% of the time…every time

tree230 tree150 tree30

Terrifying tree art. Each piece for about $30 so you can get the whole set.

Terrifying tree art. Each piece for about $30 so you can get the whole set.

$70

$70

You can invest in a full Yeti statue for $2500.

You can invest in a full Yeti statue for $2500.

I don’t want to leave you frightened from the yeti art so here is one more piece from the SkyMall collection.

This takes us back to the honeymoon theme. The Passion statue only costs $500.

This takes us back to the honeymoon theme. The Passion statue only costs $500.

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10 thoughts on “Air Travel and Air Shopping

  1. midwestkite says:

    I think that grey cat goin’ piddle on the Litter Kwitter is even creepier than the tree art!

    (Okay, now THERE’S a sentence I never thought I’d say…)

  2. Jennie Saia says:

    Amazing. Just perfect. Except… I kind of want one of the neck-rest sleep things. I

  3. Jennie Saia says:

    …whoops! I can’t sleep on planes because my head bobs.

  4. Addie says:

    I see you’ve been to Mother’s house.

  5. omawarisan says:

    Ivy is so slow growing. Sometimes you need a plant fully grown in five minutes.

  6. breezyk says:

    aha omg these are ridiculous! Thanks for the laughs.

  7. Maggie, this is PHENOMENAL! A brilliant post to read sitting in bed in the morning. I don’t know what I love best – the yeti coming out from behind the branch or the comfortable looking bar contraption thing that the woman is looking all happy and asleep in. It’s all brilliant. This will keep me going all day, I think.

  8. Happy honeymoon Maggie. That sleeping apparati does not look comfortable to me at all. I think I would strangle myself on it. All that tree art and the statue of Big Foot?! WTF? Who buys that crap? One guess is the descendants of people that carpet their toilet tanks.

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