Today’s the Day!

No, not my wedding day but today is four days before the Big Day.

Today is the day that Deren and I picked up our marriage license. I will save my heated commentary on our having to pay Multnomah County $60 for permission to get married for another time.

I have been crazy busy since last Friday. My little wedding notebook now has a page for lists of things that need to be done every day, each day has its own page. I’m manic. Deren is working all the time and we really haven’t seen much of each other as he was out of town last week for biz.

My daughter Annie is going nuts over her prom date which is the same night as the wedding so now the prom date is coming to the wedding, which is fine and then they will be heading out. Last night I’m coloring her hair and she can go from happy to sad to teary to laughing to grim in about 90 seconds. The teens in my life are causing me more stress than the wedding.

Deren came home from work and wanted to talk about my day which I thought I had already reported on earlier on the phone. We definitely are having a disconnect right now which I’m not at all worried about there are just to many other things to focus on; and we are back in synch this morning.

Last night I told him that I was going shopping on Thursday with a friend to buy Scuba Suit Spanx Support garments and he said….”do you think they have one for me?”

He then swallowed his tongue as my eyes narrowed and I said, “I don’t know. Do you mean do they make them for really thin people?! Gee, I don’t KNOW.”

Later as we were getting ready for bed, I told him I had been to the pharmacy to pick up Retin-A for Brigid and prednisone for me to reduce my red splotches that are like beacons to me but no on else seems to see them and he mumbled something. That was followed by three minutes of back and forth: What did you SAY? Nothing! Tell me! It was nothing! Tell ME!!! OK, I said, I would never put steroids in my body for no reason.

Really? You wanna go? You wanna take this outside???

Today is the day!

Today is the day when I write about Deren and how much I adore him. When we are off, he usually winds up saying something stupid but funny. I wind up just being cranky and crying and that’s not very entertaining. He can and does make me laugh everyday. When the last thing I feel like doing is laughing, he can still pull it off. And when I feel like laughing, we laugh till we cry. Deren’s laugh, when he can’t stop, is one of the best sounds I have ever heard.

Deren can change a flat tire in 20 minutes and never even swear! Last weekend he built two raised beds and installed them in two hours! That fascinates me. Men in my family don’t do things like that. He can fix things. Blows my mind.

If you believe Deren (and I always do except when I know he is making things up, like plant names), if you believe Deren, he fell in love with me the moment he laid eyes on me and knew we would get married. As we say to each other regularly, “you called it.” Well I say that and he says, “I called it”…What am I doing? You understand the way pronouns work.

I didn’t fall in love at first sight. I didn’t know we would get married. But I knew he was different. I couldn’t live without him and I tried. We don’t know how many times I have broken up with him. Nor do we know why I would always come back or take him back. I guess that is true love.

I have seen Deren in a room at Providence Hospital in Portland, completely loopy on Ativan while detoxing from the alcohol that could have killed him. He hadn’t showered for awhile, he thought there were kittens in the room, he wanted to take my car to go get some “stuff at home” and he’d “be right back”. He was a most congenial patient, everyone loved him but he was out of his mind. And all I could think was how much I loved him and how he was totally not taking my car anywhere. I told him then, “Don’t fuck this up. Don’t make me sorry that I’m sticking with you.”

Not that that is Deren but it is funny.

Deren never looked back. He has been sober for three years. He has a good job. He and I have built a life together and I think we have done it with our best interests and the best interests of our children at heart.

When I am with Deren, I am the best version of me. I understand love more clearly. I am better at puns. I laugh at myself more easily. I forgive quicker. I say I love you more frequently. All I want from Deren is to continue on in this life and make memories. I don’t ever want things from him…just experiences so when we are old and gray (God willing), we will be able to look back and say remember that trip? that store? that movie? that road? that moment?

I am so blessed by the mystery of finding the love of my life and I will be forever grateful.

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44 thoughts on “Today’s the Day!

  1. Eh, a little mushy for my tastes, but I understand that you’re a broad about to get hitched so I’ll not judge. When my wife wants to know how my day was, I tell her to read the blog. Good luck on the wedding, if we don’t hear from you until then.

  2. Courtney says:

    WOOHOO!! So close! It will all be perfectly chaotic and wonderful in its own way, don’t worry.

  3. lindsey says:

    Beautiful, Maggie. So happy for you! xoxo Lindsey

  4. twindaddy says:

    I hope to one day find what you have. Congratulations on finding that.

  5. Kathleen says:

    Well that about covers it, so be sure your girls read this/your description of Deren/Love becuase it is accurate, and I am always worried that young girls think it is about . . . well something else. Possessions or sex, or, well something else. Its not. Its about “When I am with Deren, I am the best version of me.”

    Congratulations! Where the hell is my invitation?

  6. Kathleen says:

    And further more:

    “The teens in my life are causing me more stress than the wedding.”


  7. Aquaman says:

    He’s the luckiest man alive to have someone as wonderful, loving, beautiful and gifted as you!
    Called it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Anonymous says:

    This was beautiful! You ARE lucky…each of you. Enjoy every goddamned day. And GOOD – one daughter off at prom..CHECK. Have a wonderful beautiful day – it will all unfold perfectly as it should…you will laugh more and it will be amazing. (Mostly because you will be done with the PREPARING for it.) Cheers Maggie!!!!!

  9. El Guapo says:

    I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to be happier for you than I am.
    And having someone to laugh with makes all the back and forth so much easier to deal with.

  10. reocochran says:

    I am hoping and praying for a beautiful and perfect day for you both, also the best in the way it all goes. I loved this movie and so don’t mind mushy ones. I am one who writes about my dating experiences but I throw in a lot of love stories, too!! Take care and relax, enjoy and BE in the moments!

  11. YAY, the big day’s almost here!! In the spirit of true bloggy friendship I’m going to impart a very important piece of marital advice that will surely help you and Deren live a long, happy life together…. go grab a pen and a piece of paper….. I’ll wait…..

    Ok, here it is:


    After 17 years of marriage, that’s all I’ve got.

  12. IttyBitty says:

    Love love love love love love …………….. love you, love Deren, love your story ….. and wish you love for ever and ever! Can’t wait to hear about the wedding!

  13. Grace says:

    Aw. I’m so happy for you, really ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo

  14. Take it from someone old and gray, the key word for long-term marital happiness is laughter. Laughter especially when times are bad, when the kids are jerks, when one of you is in a foul mood, when one of you calls the other an a-hole. And a simple touch, the hand on a shoulder or back can be remarkably healing and loving. This may sound sexist, but men really need to this kind of attention, maybe more than we do. They need to feel appreciated and from what I’ve read here, Deren is hugely appreciated already.

    Mr. EOS and I wish you and Deren a splendiferous wedding day but more importantly, a lifetime of laughter and love.


  15. It’ll be a great day made better by the attitude you’re taking into the marriage. The story is similar to mine and my beautiful wife’s in many ways but I hope you’ll both go on to get old and grey together sharing lots of memories with children and grand-children.
    My Very Best Wishes to you Both.

  16. Best wishes Maggie – hope it’s a wonderful fun time and so happy for you that you got to this point…sigh and ok a little envious… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  17. Addie says:

    I need a love this button. Some one work on that, would you?

    Reading this, Miss Maggie, makes me believe in love again…and I haven’t believed in love for a good number of years. Thank you and Deren for giving me that hope.

  18. John says:

    Beautiful post … as someone who’s only been sober 6 months, I applaud Deren and his three years… and I applaud you for helping keep him that way.

    Happy Nuptials!

  19. Kathleen says:

    I already gave you the smushy comment, here is the tacky wedding joke.

    – She offered her honor.
    – He honored her offer.
    – And all night long it was off her and on her

    Could be Irish for all I remember. HAVE FUN!!!!!

  20. Tilda says:

    Give Deren a kiss from me,
    and You take five minutes each hour to breathe โ™กโ™ฅโ™ก

  21. Kristin says:

    So soon!!! I can’t wait to see/hear about it. Don’t forget to eat on your wedding day – it’ll be the furthest thing from your mind. Enjoy!!!

  22. Wonderful post, Maggie! I’m very happy that you and Deren found each other. From reading your blog, I do sense he’s perfect for you as you are for him and you two are a great match. I know it must be a whirlwind of activity for you right now, but I’m confident that Saturday will be terrific, you’ll be glowing and it won’t be from a hot flash. I’ll be thinking of you, buddy. I hope you might post a picture or two from the big day. I wish you guys decades of health and happiness.

  23. I will be flying in–could someone meet me at the airport? I have my dress and shoes and a wedding gift–my invite must have got lost in the mail….
    Seriously have a wonderful day and life!

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