I have been so swamped lately, I haven’t had time to blog. I’m trying to read and comment but I’m definitely not at the top of my game. I’m looking forward to May 19 (that’s the day after my wedding).
Despite being busy, there are times when one is called to write. When life’s events demand that someone (me) tell the story. This morning it became clear to me that I needed to blog about Derwood’s shirts.
Derwood wears black t-shirts everyday. Well not shirtS, just one at a time but everyday it is on him under whatever other shirt he is wearing. He doesn’t own any white oxford shirts so don’t be alarmed. As most women do, I feel like I’m doing laundry all the time and the laundry room is never empty. Where do all these clothes come from and why don’t any of the socks match? I digress. I seem to always be folding laundry whilst watching my program (BBC’s “Monarch of the Glen”). The other day Derwood told me that he was missing some black t-shirts. I have no idea how he knows this because his t-shirt drawer always seems full of black colored t-shirts.
This morning he brought up the “missing” shirts again. I did laundry yesterday and I’ll be damned if there weren’t more black t-shirts in the laundry! Now that laundry is in a basket on the kitchen table and all the black t-shirts are accounted for.
Here’s my question…how does he know when a black t-shirt is missing? Are the t-shirts tagged with tracking devices like sea lions? Does this allow Deren to know when a shirt has left its habitat? What if the shirts are migrating but will be back in the fall?
I’ve never noticed numbers or other branding marks on the t-shirts other than manufacturers names. How does Derwood sense when a member of the black t-shirt herd is missing? How does he know he didn’t somehow leave it in his golf bag like the shirt he found a couple of weeks ago? The shirt he was sure I threw away, but I didn’t he just didn’t have its tracking device on.
I buy Derwood shirts. Here are some photos of the exact kinds of shirts I have bought him or picked out for him. He has that orange striped Izod shirt (and a green checked one that I couldn’t find a photo of), he has those exact Polo shirts, he has a cute navy gingham Gap shirt…these are examples of shirts Derwood has.
This is an example of the shirts Derwood wears:
Derwood is addicted to blue shirts. Blue shirts with black t-shirts underneath. I can’t tell you how many blue shirts he has. And they are typically Costco shirts or shirts he got at the Goodwill because he loves the Goodwill.
What I can tell you is that I was talking to my shirt team the other day and they want to know what the hell is going on.
“Why don’t we ever get to go to work with Derwood?”
“I haven’t seen the outside of this closet in eight months!”
“Is it my color? Is he ashamed of my orange stripes?! That’s discrimination!”
Derwood thinks that the colorful shirts don’t know what’s going on but he underestimates them. They realize the members of the black t-shirt herd are out and about everyday, every night. The black t-shirts have seen all four seasons. They go out on appointments, to the movies, they go to school and the office, they go on road trips and out to dinner. Ask Green Checked Izod shirt when the last time he went out in the car for a spin and I can guarantee you the poor guy has no idea. He’s all buttoned up with no place to go.
This has got to stop. Derwood, I know you are out there reading this. What are you going to do to right the wrongs that are happening in your closet right now. Right NOW as I type, there are lovely, crisp, cotton shirts just hanging around looking for trouble. Is that what you want?
Invites are going out today. Cake is ordered. Tent and champagne glasses are ordered. Food is coming along. I’m thinking of getting little boxwoods to line the driveway wall. Mulch is in. Lawns being mowed today. May 4 is power washing day. I have a hair appointment on May 11. I went dress shopping last night and ordered a dress from Macy’s that is being shipped from the east coast. I have decided to buy the dresses I like and then try them all on and return the ones I don’t want.
Bummer: I have to buy a size 16 dress to get my chest into it and then have it tailored down because the bottom half of me is a size 6/8.
I saw this adorable dress last night and the Kate Spade ladies shook their heads sadly and said there is no way you are gettin’ your girls into that dress.
From the waist down, I have the figure of a 9-year -old boy….upstairs, well…you get the idea.
Headed out on a girls’ weekend to Seattle and will shop more there. Whine about it and then drink and eat a lot.