Derwood and My Other Boyfriends

Derwood didn’t work last weekend. OK, he worked for a couple of hours on Saturday but that’s not much at all for him. Derwood works more than anyone I know. As luck would have it, he loves his job and I love him making money so it’s all good. We’re perfect for each other.

We had such a good weekend. We worked in the yard and went to garage sales.

We are going to put in raised bed veggie gardens. I didn't get a good before picture but that boy can clear land. He should have been a pioneer but I would have whined so much he would have turned the wagon around or just pushed me out.
We are going to put in raised bed veggie gardens. I didn’t get a good “before” picture of this but let me tell you, that boy can clear land. He should have been a pioneer except that I would have whined so much he would have turned the wagon around or just pushed me out.


We ate at a sort of ridiculously pretentious restaurant called Paulee in Dundee in the Willamette Valley wine country. It was a white linen kind of place and I was dressed for garage sales but so what, it keeps the paparazzi away. I had a duck burger and duck frites. Meh. It was a friendly place but not worth the money at all. Note to self: Remember that you don’t like brioche and get on with your life.

We played golf with my friend Lisa. We went to WalMart and bought a Sawzall.  I love sawing things down.  Or watching Derwood do it….lumberjacks are sexy.

When we moved into this house in 2005, this tree was as tall as I am.
When we moved into this house in 2005, this tree was as tall as I am.
Here's the tree now. Well now it is chopped up behind the garage but it's not growing in my yard anymore. It has been replaced by a lilac.
Here’s the tree now. Well now it is chopped up behind the garage but it’s not growing in my yard anymore. It has been replaced by a lilac.

We went shopping and got me some new spring clothes so I can stop stomping around and whimpering about how fat I am and I have no clothes and trying on six different outfits every morning before work.

And most importantly we laughed. Derwood makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and that happens several times a day. We really do have the best time together. I should marry him. (By the by, invites go out on Monday. Wahooo!)

I also have other boyfriends that I want you all to know about.

The Boyfriends I’ve Been with for Awhile

Harper Faulkner — Harper is such an entertaining writer. He is a writer who knows the craft. He is funny as all hell, has a darling doggie, and encouraged me when I first started this blog. I never forget how he reached out to me early on and put me on his blog roll. Thanks HF!

Le Clown – Well, who doesn’t know about LeClown? For pete’s sake he has his own entry in the Urban Dictionary. LeClown/L’Eric is  talented and loving man who has forged a blogging presence that few can claim. And he is balls out all the time. I wish he’d put pants on but he’s a Canadian and that’s how they blog there.

Bring Me the Head of David Dixon– he is a man of few words but I’ve always liked the strong silent type. And he made this just for me:

Trinity United Methodist Youth Group Fall Retreat at Camp Tanako - 1976

The Boyfriends  I’m Comfortable With (like we could sleep in the same bed and just talk and watch Caddyshack)

Roam About Mike — Mike is so fantastic. He is a travel writer and humor writer. I love the stories about his Roam About girlfriend and his Roam About Parents. He is a delight. And he sent me this photo of him when he was a model. I had a shower curtain made out of it.

I’m sure he won’t mind my sharing this. Mike’s in Asia right now so he won’t even see this for awhile. If he asks, I’ll just tell him I don’t know how it got in here.

Justin the Eccentric Dirtbag — I love Justin, how could I not? He’s hot. And he’s a very disgusting fun writer and clearly well-read but trying to hide it. He taught me the phrase “Anne Frankly”….. what? I think it’s funny, JUSTIN and I think it’s funny!

Andrew at Shut Up Dad – Andrew is like my younger brother. Andrew is like my younger brother if my mom had had me at 15 and then wound up falling in love in her 30s and having another kid. Andrew is like my younger brother if I were hold enough to be his mother, which I am. Andrew has a how-to blog and he is quite ingenious…he has many great tips on networking, wolf art, and personal defense.

My Newest Boyfriends

Don of All Trades – Don is fairly new to the blogging game. He’s just turned 40 and I’m thinking could be the male version of me if I were a cop or an attorney (I’m not sure what he does) and I drank too much beer instead of too much wine.  Go read him! He should have tons of followers because he is fart out loud funny and I have told him as much.

Nic at Key Changes — I think I have already crowed about Nic but I’m doing it again because he is one of my most favorite blogger boyfriends and I wish he wrote more often. Nic is like an American gay male Bridget Jones. I love him! And you will, too. Go read him.  Did I mention that the Patriots didn’t even make it into the Super Bowl this year? No? Well I was just thinking about that.

40 replies to “Derwood and My Other Boyfriends

  1. Maggie,
    You’re someone I consider a friend outside of this blogosphere, in the real world. Yep.
    Le Clown
    PS: Speaking of balls out… I even sleep naked, that’s right, I even take off my clown nose…

    1. Maggie,
      And I do love most of these handsome bloggers in the list… Mostly my main man David Dixon, and Roam About Mike, even though he doesn’t wash much.
      Le Clown

      1. Maggie,
        I am sorry if I have been silent by email. I will answer you shortly. Although I don’t give a rat’s ass about Easter, I know it’s important to others… Happy Easter to you. And Happy Frank the Bunny day to others.
        Le Clown

        1. No worries M. Le Clown, just checking on you. Thank you so much for your Easter wishes. You should make a Magnificent E Card, “I don’t give a rat’s ass about Easter, I know it’s important to others… Happy Easter to you.” So heartwarming.

  2. Awe, aren’t you sweet?! Too bad you’re so gassy though!

    The funny thing is, when people go to my home page or whatever it’s called looking for a laugh because Maggie said so, they’ll run smack into a post about dead police officers and think you’re fucking sick and that I’m not funny at all!! Lol.

      1. I did notice that! You’re good. You’re good! I may start giving women more credit for doing things other than making great babies and delicious sandwiches and funny blogs.

  3. Gee, you have an interesting dating history, one that makes me smile. You seriously have a unique writing style. When you mentioned Lumberjacks I couldn’t help but think of Lumberjack boots, now THAT’s sexy.

    1. French fries fried in duck fat. And I love those but these weren’t that good. Happy Easter sweetie! I know this one will be different and I’m thinking of you.

  4. The secret is out! We have been in the closet for so long, but I guess it’s the age of coming out. Now, how to tell Mrs. Faulkner. Hmmmm, I’ll ponder that and get back to you. Thank you for including me and telling such great lies. You are a special and rare jewel and I’m glad happiness is coming toward you like a freight train. (See folks, that’s some of that great writing you see on my blog. No one does similes like I do!) All joy today. HF

  5. Wait just a minute there… Stop the presses. I thought Harper was my boyfriend? All right, I’ll let it slide. I think there’s enough Harper to go around, if not, I’ll just hang out with Sweet Face. I think I like her better, anyway.
    Derwood is such a catch. I love a man who likes to work, can clear the land, handle a chain saw, and make you laugh. Yes, Maggie, you got yourself a good one there.

    Now about that paparazzi… If you need me to show up for the wedding and keep them at bay – I can do it. Just sayin’.

    1. I’ll give you Harper, we must love him because he brought us together!
      Derwood is the best.
      We are tenting my house for the ceremony so the helicopters can try but they are not getting any photos!

  6. You do get around with the menfolk, Maggie, but real-world land-clearing Derwood does sound like the catch of catches. Wow, the invitations are going out Monday. Getting closer to The Big Day!

  7. I’m absurdly in love with you for ending this post on a Key Changes note!!! Thank you, dahling! P.S. Things in this post that confirm we’re kind of the same:

    – love of hot lumberjacks
    – tendency to go to nice places in garage-sale-shopping outfits
    – golf
    – the multiple boyfriends thing

    Love it!

    1. Mike! What are you doing in this neck of the wape, wape of the neck, what are you doing here? I had to watch it after playing golf on Saturday.

      Welcome home!

      1. Not home yet, just got internet connection for the first time in a while, and had to respond to this amazing gem of a post.
        Have you ever been to the Painted Lady in Newburg?

        1. No! And we definitely should have gone there over this place. I’m a tough judge of duck frites and Paulee didn’t pass at all. Do I recall that you stayed at the Allison?

  8. I should know better than to stop by your blog after a week or two absence. Not only did I love the photos of the hard-working husband-to-be, but links to so many awesome blogger boyz. I have spent the better part of an hour visiting each of the links. It’s all your fault for ruining my ambitious to-do list. Thank you!!

    PS: Brioche is only meant to throw outside for the birds to eat. No sandwich is meant to be on brioche. Ever.

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