Costco is a chain of warehouse stores where members can buy Easter dresses, barbecues, fresh crab, slabs of cheese, 5 dozen eggs and 50 lbs of dog food, as well as tires, cars, get their eyes checked, pictures developed, and have their house recarpeted. Just in case one of my readers doesn’t have a Costco near them.
There are different types of Costco shoppers.
There are the older shoppers who are only there to hover about and test all the sample food. My father was this kind of Costco shopper, he loved it. These shoppers are often found in Costco on week days around lunch time.
There are the Costco shoppers who have lists, who know the lay out of the store, and want to get in and get out. They can stop and look at the books for a minute but are not easily taken off task. I’m one of those kinds of Costco shoppers. I don’t dawdle around the food areas. I’m happy to leave my children to that. And if the food sample looks good, I make them go back and get me some.
There are the Costco shoppers who are like crows, fascinated by the shiny objects. They enter the wonderland of Costco to stare and spin around looking at the big screen tvs, 50 count boxes of granola bars, 20 count razor blades, plastic boxes of grapes and bags of mangos, right next to the printer paper and the bakery. This is where we find Derwood.
Derwood and I went on our first ever joint shopping trip to Costco on Sunday.
We looked at razor blades and marveled at the exorbitant cost. Why are Venus razor blades so expensive? Is it hard to make razor blades? I don’t get it and thus have very dull razors because I’m not paying $24.99 for eight razor blades.
I got contact lens solution. I went to put a double pack of fish oil capsules (for my cholesterol) in the cart, “don’t buy those, I can get them cheaper at Grocery Outlet.” Okay. I did get a green light on the six pack of toothpaste for $8.99!
We move on to the dry food zone. There is discussion about how much Deren used to know about whole grains. Hell I thought we just learned a lot after the Barley road trip. We didn’t buy the hemp seed for $11.99 to sprinkle on yogurt, salads and something else. We get some Dave’s Killer Bread, string cheese, Izze’s soda, but not Diet Coke because it’s cheaper at Safeway, according to Derwood.
We make the turn, to the paper goods and cleaning supply aisle. I tell Derwood to get the ginormous pack of toilet paper and I will go get the Ziploc products. It takes me a few minutes to analyze which bags I want and pick up a 20 piece box of Ziploc container/Tupperware things. I stroll back to the cart and see Derwood staring at something while on the phone. There is no toilet paper in the cart. I put the Ziploc stuff in the cart and watch him walking toward me.
M: you didn’t get the toilet paper?
D: No, I thought you were.
M: What were you doing?
D: Calling AirWick
M: Why did you call AirWick?
D: Because it says on the packaging if you want to know the ingredients in that air freshener to call that number. Do you KNOW what kind of toxins are in that?!
Deren deals with filtering air for a living. We don’t own any AirWick products so I don’t know what he was going to say if AirWick had answered. Please remember this man has been sober for years, he’s just like this.
We make it through the dairy section for milk and eggs, head toward the deli and meat departments where we begin the “what’s for dinner?” discussion. We both look around for whatever may strike our fancy. I find some ravioli shaped like Shamrocks! Ta Dahhhhh!
I’m looking for dinner stuff and notice Derwood about 15-20 feet away staring at a display, looking at one of the products that he is holding, back at the display, then over at the produce, back at the, what I know now, is a car windshield wiper blade. I get the ravioli, a jar of pesto and some crumbed feta cheese (feta cheese is the dieter’s friend, at least one ounce at a time). I put everything in the cart and stand watching Derwood and the wiper blade inspection. He looks up and sees me looking at him and starts laughing with me.
Then we hit the produce department and we are good to go!
I said I thought this would be our last trip to Costco together because I have to herd him too much but Derwood says I’m wrong.