Wish I Had Words

I was going to write an insightful post today on my activities yesterday. Yesterday I helped my ex-husband check into an alcohol rehab hospital. It was hard but really one of the best days of my life because finally he will get the help he needs and hopefully will be on the road to a happy future, where he finds his smile and his life again. I know he’s so tired and I am so proud of him.

I was going to write about that but then I heard that a guy I went to high school with was killed in the shooting at Clackamas Town Center yesterday. I am reminded of how randomly lucky I am, worse things are always happening. I am devastated for this family. And for the family of the other victim who died and all the people who went to a mall to shop and let the kids sit on Santa’s knee, and eat at Panda Express or get a Jamba Juice. Just out on a Tuesday living their lives and then some asshole with a gun decides he’s going out in a fucking blaze of glory. Instead of just sticking the gun in his mouth and sparing us all, he has to go into a mall with 10,000 people in it and start shooting at random.

Can anyone explain this to me?


53 thoughts on “Wish I Had Words

  1. Kelly says:

    Amen, sister. You took the thought right out of my head. Sucks!

  2. It’s horrible – I hate guns and I don’t care what people say about it being such an important ‘right’ – there is nothing right about what happened.

  3. It’s so incomprehensible. All I can say is that we’re living in some dark times and these events are a chance to take inventory of the blessings we have and how “Randomly lucky” we are. You got it so right.
    I thought of you, as I’m sure all of us did, when I heard the news yesterday. I’m relieved to know that you’re safe and sound, Maggie. I’m so sorry for the loss of your classmate. I can’t imagine what these families are going through– Why do these things happen around the holidays? This just makes me more depressed.

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Thanks Grips. The guy who died was a couple of years younger than I. His brother was in my class and was an academic rival of mine from the 2nd grade on. And he grew up to a lovely man with a nice family and he’s funny. And I think of him and what his parents and other brother are going through and just cry. And I’m sure the family of the shooter has also been destroyed by this. Hopefully the girl who is in the hospital will make it through.

  4. El Guapo says:

    Strange to think a few small pieces of metal can cause such a mess for so man people.
    I’m glad you’re alright, and I hope your area can come together instead of the usual left/right gun control squabbling.

    And hey, if not, you’ve always got the ‘sphere to vent in…

  5. I do hope that you’ll still write the original post. You’re a very good ex-wife.

    I wanted to write about the shooting, but couldn’t process it. I was (and still am) shocked that something like this happened not far from where we live. This is not the type of behavior you’d expect from someone in Portland; it’s not something you’d expect anywhere, really.

    So sad for the victims and their families.

  6. So proud of your ex too!! That’s a hard step. Carrying on even harder…sending love to you and your family. So sorry to hear about your friend too. No explanation here…just a crazy world…count our blessings , keep sending love out…its all we can do.

  7. sharechair says:

    I don’t understand it either. Crazy. I’m so sad for the victim’s families. They weren’t doing anything wrong… they weren’t even out at a crazy hour or visiting a sketchy bar. They were just doing the average-guy thing, shopping at the mall. Horrible.
    and… good luck to your ex. It’s a hard journey.

  8. I jumped out of my chair when I saw on TV that the shooting was in Portland and I said to my hubby, Dear God I hope Maggie wasn’t there. I checked your blog like a crazed woman every five minutes until I saw you posted this. I am sick sick sick that you lost a friend. I was planning a trek to my local mall today to finish my Christmas shopping but just couldn’t. I couldn’t.

    I melted reading you are helping your ex with rehab. What a fantastic message to your daughter that no matter what happened to the marriage, a human who battles with alcohol needs family who are there.

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Thank you EOS. No, I was at Trembling Hills when that lunatic decided to destroy several families’ holidays. I have no reason to whine, when I think of what Steve’s family and the other families are going through. I’m doing all my shopping in little local stores. I want to support small businesses but the thought of going to mall is massively unappealing. Thanks for your kind words. xo

  9. Margarita says:

    I’m so sorry, Maggie. I have no other words…xoM

  10. Anonymous says:

    You can’t leglislate for crazy people. This guy is gun-law nightmare, bc he had no priors. He stole the weapon, but he could have legally obtained it if he wanted, bc he doesn’t have a mental health history or a criminal record. I grew up with rifles behind every door jam, loaded. I think bc I grew up with them, I have a tremendous respect for them, we never touched them unless Dad was there (and god knows we didn’t mind all his other rules). We used them to shoot squirrels eating the walnuts, crows eating the cherries and deer and elk in season, with tags. Never, ever was one aimed at another human being. and I realize it sounds like I came over the Oregon Trail but I am only 42.

    I don’t hate guns, at all, but this maniac stole his gun. People must be careful if they choose to own them and not just keep their own family safe from them, but also keep them out of the hands of thieves. It is nothing short of a miracle that the shooter yesterday didn’t know how to use the gun and it jammed. That is little comfort to the families of the people who were killed, but I saw the description of the clips he was carrying, it could have been magnified ten times, twenty….

  11. I don’t understand it either, Mags. People who do this sort of thing are obviously deranged, but I don’t understand the desire to take a bunch of other people with them when they go down themselves. You can’t really wrap your head arouns this sort of thing. How can you, when people are just going about their day at the mall, as you said? I’m so sorry that someone you knew was killed—that always makes it that much more upsetting, as awful as it is in itself. My heart goes out to the families as well.

    And congratulations to your ex-husband for getting help—it’s a brave step, and I’m very happy for all of you that he’s doing this.

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Thanks Weebs. I’m really happy that he is finally ready to make a change in his life and I hope it will be a successful one. He’s a good guy, I’d like him to have some happiness.

  12. Adam S says:

    I don’t get it. Maybe “misery loves company”? The really scary part is how often this kind of stuff seems to be happening.

    A couple weeks ago, some guy was picking people off on the expressway with a rifle during rush hour where I live. It’s effed up. Wish there were more answers and less questions, myself…

    • Maggie O'C says:

      Crazy is as crazy does but sometimes I wonder if the more these events are publicized the more crazy people get new ideas.

      • Adam S says:

        Don’t forget though, there’s a lot of good stuff going on too. But, that kind of stuff get’s passed on by the media because people would rather see murder and mayhem.

        That’s even more tragic.

        • Maggie O'C says:

          I am totally with you, which is why I don’t watch the news. I refuse to watch the news coverage of things like this, it can be so gratuitous. I found out about Steve from my sister 😦 blah.

  13. artsifrtsy says:

    What a crazy world – I used to visit that mall when I lived in Oregon – so sad and senseless. It doesn’t lessen the magnitude of what you did yesterday though – it’s still very important.

  14. A Dog With Fleas says:

    I wish there was sense to be made of all these senseless acts of violence. It is incomprensible why someone would want to do harm to so many innocent people just because of his own inner demons. The whole situation is so sad. I feel for the loss of your friend and family, the other innocent victims family and the shooters family. I’m sure they are all wondering the Randomness of it all and how fragile life is.

    • Maggie O'C says:

      I just don’t know. It is such a BIG problem, in the sense of overwhelming and how when where does it start and how do we end it? Make sure you love your people every day.

  15. unfetteredbs says:

    the senseless acts of selfish people and then we have the giving, loving acts of unselfish people(you)….hopefully the good always will outweigh the bad.
    Life is so very fragile..

  16. I don’t understand these shootings at all, but there are far too many of them in this country. One thing that they all seem to have in common is that the shooters are all unhinged members of society and the last people on earth that should have an iota of access to firearms. It’s just a big bowl of wrong. I feel for all the victims and their loved ones.

    Glad to hear that your ex is getting help. That’s a big step forward.

    • Maggie O'C says:

      This bastard, stole the gun, no priors, no record of any problems ever until the last week when he just wasn’t in a good place. As my brother said, “if you are hell bent on a murder/suicide; do the suicide first.”

      so glad you are back with us Lame!

  17. SocietyRed says:

    There are no words for this kind of madness. I’m sorry about your friend and everyone else involved.
    Good for your ex though…

  18. Addie says:

    My cousin was murdered by someone who thought to take some money from the little store he ran, so, they shot him for $36. So random. They saw the sign and decided that was the store, it was that quick a decision.

    I am so glad you are safe, so glad your ex is on his way to a better life and that you were strong enough to help him start the journey, and so sorry to hear you lost someone you knew.

    Words aren’t there some days. I can see why in this case.

  19. acflory says:

    I’m so sorry Maggie. What an awful thing to happen – for everybody. I know that having the right to bear arms is enshrined in your constitution but … isn’t it also everyone’s right to go shopping without fearing that some nut-job with a gun is going to play out his sick fantasies with real, live, innocent people? At least a nut-job with an axe would have to work harder to chase his victims down. Guns just make killing too easy. 😦

  20. Anonymous says:

    Mags, love you honey, and i am pulling for mitch. Let me know if there is anything i can do.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Ummmm…that was me, Pal Joey, not anonymous.

  22. travellingmo says:

    Since you’ve posted, there has also been the school shooting in Conneticut. On Facebook I found this quote from Morgan Freeman, and I think it’s actually a pretty insightful opinion.

    “You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here’s why.

    It’s because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed
    people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he’ll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

    CNN’s article says that if the body count “holds up”, this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer’s face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer’s identity? None that I’ve seen yet. Because they don’t sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you’ve just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

    You can help by forgetting you ever read this man’s name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news.”

  23. travellingmo says:

    AND I am also very proud of you and your ex! It takes a lot to check into rehab and I’m so glad you guys made that decision!

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