I’m an enigma. You heard me, an enigma! Most people get into dieting and fitness during the spring and summer months when food is fresher and fruit is abundant, the weather is nice so you can exercise outside. That doesn’t happen to me. Summer is a time for eating, drinking and being merry. Then winter comes and I’m fat and realize I have to deal with it. Sure it is counter-intuitive but as I mentioned, I am an enigma.
To that end and upon reading about Amy West’s abs, I have begun doing yoga, Kundalini yoga to be specific.
I am one of the least bendy people in the world so doing yoga wouldn’t hurt me but it hurts me.
So my new exercise regimen, includes doing these calisthenics:
Technically, I don’t even have to do these because I’ve pinned them on Pinterest.
So I did those exercises. Doing 80 jumping jacks is hard! And so far I have only done one set of these because after the first set I do the yoga and then the wind down/meditation and then I’m asleep.
In all honesty, I really like the yoga. I can feel it working my core and it is helping with my arthritic neck and horrible flexibility. I bet it’s funny watching me do the tree pose because I have no balance at all. So I do spend some of my personal private yoga time laughing. Some yogis encourage laughing, it’s called HaHaGaffaw Yoga.
I kind of laughed yesterday when the woman with the serene, quiet, supportive voice on the video told me to grab my ankles and walk around the room. Nothing to see here. Just me walking around the room holding my ankles with the dog watching me and Brigid called in to take pictures.
I need to brush Mudd’s teeth because his breath smells like an empty tuna can and he likes to be near me and do his breathing while I’m grabbing my ankles.
I watch the video with my eyes closed as much as possible to help me center and reach inside myself and align and wring out my organs. I breath in and out through one nostril at a time to clear my right and left brains. I smell an intensely offensive odor like a combination of sulfur and old liver because while I’m centering my chakras my dog is farting out his venison/sweet potato dinner.
At the end of the work out is the deep relaxation time. Not surprisingly, I have trouble with this. One of my problems with this is that the woman on the video is quiet while relaxing and I worry that I have relaxed for too long. I have to look over at the computer to see if the video stopped or the internet crashed and then I realize we are being quiet together and the video is showing clouds slowly move across the sky. I go back to my deep relaxation and then Mudd starts whining because, I guess, he thinks I’m dead. It is tough to clear my mind with a pony-dog breathing shit-breath on me and crying because he thinks I’m dead or ignoring him.
After relaxing for what seems like forever but was probably 3 minutes, the voice returns and tells me to start moving my fingers and toes to energize the 72,000 nerve endings. And then we will go to rubbing the bottoms of our feet and the palms of our hands together.