I Guess This is Eventually

I am back. Not writing creatively but I am back.

As I wrote last month, my kids had a near miss in the ocean. Brigid, who is 13 and not a big talker, just went through five days of what the doctors we saw on Tuesday called post-traumatic stress. There is nothing worse than watching your child in pain and not being able to stop it. Brigid cried for days, she panicked, she wouldn’t leave the house, couldn’t be away from me, didn’t want to get out of my bed, couldn’t eat, she couldn’t read, she couldn’t make any decisions. It was so awful and heartbreaking. And then last night about 8:30, it lifted and she was back. She looked through a magazine, no upset going to sleep. I don’t know if it is really gone but she is at school today, after missing the first day of 8th grade. I haven’t heard from her or anyone at the school so fingers crossed.

I have never witnessed PTSD. My love and support goes out to any and all including all the bloggers I follow and those who I haven’t found yet who suffer from this. Brigid had one traumatic incident and it beat her up pretty bad. I cannot imagine dealing with sustained mental, physical, emotional trauma and what that does to the mind in the long run.

Tuesday, I had to give her a little hard love as my siblings and I call it. She was crying and she said, “why me?” Whooooaaaaa pardner! Nope. Why you?! Why not you? Why anyone? And here’s news, there are children suffering much worse than you are. So we will have no “why me?” Ever. Worse things, better people. I am a good mother and I know I helped her so much and she was darling and appreciative but I am a hard nose about certain things and “why me?” is one of the most useless, self-indulgent questions anyone can ask. “Why Me?” stunts progress, it allows for wallowing when strength and perseverance are needed. There will always be someone who has it worse.

Monday night, Brigid was in my bed with me and I was trying to soothe her to get some sleep and she said, “Mom, I wish you had a mom because you are so nice to me. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Without question one of the best things anyone has ever said to me.

41 thoughts on “I Guess This is Eventually

  1. Maggie, so glad Brigid is better. I think there’s probably been this (PTSD) with other people and events but we didn’t have a name for it. She’s so lucky to have you be an understanding and patient Mom. What she said to you must be one of the best things you’ve ever heard anyone say to you in your life. Hugs to you and to Brig. xxoo

  2. Welcome back, to both of you! I’m so sorry that she (and you) had to go through that. It might be worth getting her into therapy with a good psychologist or social worker — as I understand it, these episodes can recur with PTSD. Much love to you and your beautiful girl!

    1. Thank you! Believe me I am on it! Tuesday we had a pediatrician appointment and as luck would have it, the practice’s therapist had a cancellation so she also started therapy and will go again on Tuesday.

      Whew! Parenting is hard.

  3. Anonymous

    That was very sweet, what she said, and true I’m sure. I feel the same way about you. But mostly your blog made me think about my students who go through traumatic events regularly, bless them.

  4. Aw… poor Brig. I know exactly what she’s feeling from personal and professional experience. It’s great that you were there for her and so validating. It makes it a whole lot worse when parents don’t have the patience for it or dismiss it, like it’s no big deal. Your response was right on the money. You’re strong and intuitive, so no doubt she is too. She’ll get through it and be stronger and emotionally wiser from the experience.
    Hats off to a top notch mom!!

    1. Thanks Grippy! She’s a tough nut with therapy. A therapist in her doc’s office had a cancellation on Tuesday so we could get her in tout de suite. She comes out and melts down. I asked if she had told the doc that she was holding in an “episode” and she said, “no, I don’t even know him.” sigh.

      Did you sell your house?!

      1. It’s getting close. The peeps that all my blog readers sent vibes to are actually coming back on Saturday!! Wouldn’t that be funny if they bought it? All of a sudden everyone would be like, “Send some good vibes to this lottery ticket I just bought!” LOL!!!

        Hey, since I do therapy I just want to encourage you to “normalize” what happen to Brigid — For her and for you. Once she can look at it from the right perspective, having taken the sting or shame out of it, she’ll have a handle on it and will be able to manage it. The final sign that she’s on her way to her old self is if she’s able to make little jokes about it. I know that sounds really out there, especially since I don’t know the deets, but being able to re-frame it and taking back your power is the final step. Humor is a sign that she has total power over the whole incident. Email me if you want. Like I said, my daughter went through something pretty horrific and we got her through to the other side. : )

        1. Yay for you! Perhaps we will be neighbors soon!
          I’m a pro at normalizing this sort of thing b/c I have been through it myself after my dad died. That was one of the toughest aspects of the past few days was trying to convince here she would be herself again. She didn’t want to be better, she wanted to be “best”. 🙂
          And we are Irish, we laugh about twisted morbid things all the time! I’m glad your girls is okay too!

  5. aallegoric

    I’d just read your comment and was about to ask “What happened to your daughter?” but then I read this… I’m so sorry she and you had to go through this and I’m glad to hear that she seems to be doing better again. It must have been bad.
    I’m sure you’re a great mom and you so deserve her declaration of love 🙂

  6. La La

    Glad she’s better. That was such a sweet thing she said, it must feel nice. My mom and I have never been pals. I hope to be one someday, I hope it’s a bit more like you!

    1. You will be great since we are each other 20 years apart. BUT Young Marlon Brandos never accosted me and asked me out. When do we hear the story according to you or does Chris have the gist?

  7. I originally wrote something long and rambling, and it got a little out of hand. So, short version: I’m glad Brigid’s getting through this and making positive steps toward recovery, and that you were there for her to support and give her tough love as needed. You’re a great person and a kick-ass mom. ❤

  8. Pingback: Friday Fun and Other Stuff « Brigitte's Banter

  9. I wish there was a ‘love’ button instead of just a like button because I loved this post Maggie. Seriously. You are a wonderful Mum and you did just the right thing. Your daughter is not going to grow up feeling like a victim of circumstance and that has saved her life all over again.

    Much love,

  10. Oh Maggie, I just want to reach out across the pond and give you both a big squeezy hug! I have been suffering from PTSD for3 years now and I can understand and identify with every single word here. She will be fine because she has you. You are a fantastic mother. x

    1. Oh Jules, I am so sorry. I had no idea what PTSD was all about and it is so awful. My poor muffin and you poor muffin. 3 years! Do you take meds? The ativan works to calm her down and she doesn’t need much. Definitely life changing.xoxoxo

      1. I did take meds for quite a while but I have been able to ween myself off them over the last few months. I had Propranolol. I just take it when I feel off now 🙂 The running and having that focus helped a lot xx

What do YOU think of me?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s