If I were to break my life up into chapters, I think I would be on Chapter 8 now.
Not long ago I wrote about dreams I have had about my parents that were truly more like visits from them. In the past week, I have had a couple of dreams where in the dream I see my mother’s charm bracelet (which is now mine). The dreams are not about the bracelet. I don’t remember what the dreams are about. I remember that in them I see the bracelet and think, “There’s mom’s charm bracelet” and I pick it up and hold it.
Consequently, this month I used the last of my inheritance money to pay my mortgage. My inheritance would have been a fortune to some and a pittance to others but it tided me over for the past four years and now it is gone.
There’s something going on here and I think it is the beginning of the next chapter, Chapter 8. I feel like my mother has been holding my hand and now she is drifting off and I am moving forward on my own. My life is good. I am on even ground. My parents died in 2005 and 2008 (Dad and Mom respectively), my husband and I separated and divorced, the kids have had their ups and downs, my siblings have had their ups and downs and Derwood has had some terrible lows and has come out the other side to rebuild and I am so proud of him, I got a job for the first time in over a decade and now I have an interview for another one.
The money is gone. I’m walking across the wire without a net. I haven’t been this happy in a very long time. I am solidly me and I’m not bad.