I’m Going on Vacation

so you won’t be hearing from me for awhile because I’m a “no computers on vacation” sort of person.

I’m going to load you up with a bunch of stuff here so that you can just pick and choose and not read all at once so you don’t have Maggie withdrawals.

This JUST happened:

I went out to my car to get my phone. I park in the lower level parking lot which, as you may imagine, is darker than parking on top out in the sun. I got my phone and was walking to the exit stairs when a man and his 5-6 year old son came running down the stairs and the man let the kid run through the parking lot, between cars to the next row, between cars out to the next row. Wow, REALLY?! You dumb shithead, if you don’t care whether or not your kid gets hit by a car, I guess you really don’t care how the driver of the car would feel after hitting a little kid that just ran full speed in front of their moving car. People can really piss me off. I made a LOT of faces in the elevator after that!

Search terms

I have been noticing some odd internet search terms that are bringing people to my blog. I don’t know that I want people who are searching for these things reading my blog. Sampling:

Fat stay at home mom — you know what? you watch your mouth!

oh my big teenage boner! — yes, with exclamation point!

tattooed guys give me lady boner shirt — wear that with pride

how do you know if you still have your ovaries — Wait, what?! You would notice if your ovaries dropped out? Right?

justin bieber boners 2012 — ick icky icky mcick ick

emu fat butt — hahahaha

and my all time FAVORITE…drum roll, please…..

what my spam do in your body when I fuck you — I don’t know, you tell me. What does your spam do? That means the guy is doing it wrong because after that act there should not be any canned lunch meat or junk email in anyone’s body.


I’m going to Gearhart which is a very small town on the Oregon Coast. Gearhart is my most favorite place in the world. My family has been going there since I was 2…gack! That’s 45 years!!! ermergerd! It’s going to be hotter than balls in Portland which means it will be crazy beautiful weather at the beach.

We have rented a house that I hear is wonderful. My sister Molly, her husband Sebastian and my nephew Matt are there with Brigid and Annie and I are going down tonight. Next week my pal Lisa is coming with her girls and my ex is coming for a few days and then we will wind up with Derwood and his daughter, Q. Yayayayayay!!! I’m bringing tennis racquets AND we are going to play golf. I haven’t golfed in almost 20 years so that should be fairly entertaining.

Gearhart the best place on earth.

I will be back on the 13th. Don’t have fun without me.

Tagged , , , ,

25 thoughts on “I’m Going on Vacation

  1. Molly says:

    I did not know derwood was coming! I think we will be gone by then, hmph.

    We just played a rousing few hands of Old Maid and now going to the beach. Sebastian almost took it to the streets with a rude lady who cut in line and took the literal LAST scone from a little boy this morning. That’s what’s happenin’ here.

    Also, I feel I may have jumped the gun – tennis courts are done but don’t seem to be open yet? Maybe this weekend or next week though. Bring them rackets!


  2. La La says:

    Have fun! I just looked up emu fat butt and learned way too much about Emu oil. I’m glad someone found you instead.

  3. K DD misses you already! She has laid in a keg or two of Sangria to keep her occupied in your absence. Have a swell time!

  4. clownonfire says:

    Interesting keywords you have there… Now perhaps some of your readers associate EMU FAT BUTT with Mitt Romney. That would be my guess.
    Le Clown

  5. I’m going to miss you.

  6. Hellosailor says:

    Hehehehehehehe oh “what does your spam do inside me?” hahahahahaha ewwwwww. Have a nice holiday πŸ™‚ xox

  7. Brigitte says:

    Maggie, have a wonderful trip. We’ll miss you. You’ve got some good ones there on your search engine terms, perhaps you could start a tee-shirt biz.

    Safe travels.

  8. laughed out loud πŸ™‚ have a great holiday!

  9. Margarita says:

    Have a blast. Missing you already! xoxoM

  10. Have a good time on vaca. It seems that a lot of boner searching leads to your site….hmmm….what does that mean?

  11. I will miss you. Don’t sit around watching Mash reruns all day. πŸ™‚

  12. travellingmo says:

    Oh my gosh, I can’t believe all those crazy searches are bringing people to your blog!! Makes me curious to see what brings people to my blog. . . I’m a little nervous, I don’t want spam anywhere near my lady parts. . .

    Gearhart sounds incredible! As you know, I love tiny towns, but I haven’t yet explored any outside of California. I must go there someday!

  13. jules1707 says:

    Have a great time πŸ™‚

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