Major Update included: It’s Like Herding Bloggers

Helloo! C’mon in, there’s room for everyone! Welcome! There should be plenty of chairs.

Adam! Careful…you brought the Knee Walker?! Can you park it outside? You’re on the Itty Bitty Boomer. I know, isn’t she darling!? I realize you didn’t see her there, thus the name Itty Bitty, but please back up and get that thing off her tiny little foot and out of the conference room! I’m so glad you came UnfetteredBS, don’t be shy, grab a seat!

Welcome to the 1st Annual Meeting of Funny Awesome Bloggers Unite or FABU!

I know it’s cheesy but I’m not a good acronym creator. If you’re going to laugh like that Brad, then why don’t you create one yourself, Caption America?  Fine, that is your action item for the next meeting.

Thank you for coming today. I’ve long been hoping we could all get together in one place. The logistics weren’t easy what with having FABU bloggers all over the world but we pulled it off! I’m sorry I look such a mess on the big day. I’m sorry, pardon me? You know what Badfads? They’re not leggings, they’re running pants and as I was saying, I’m sorry I’m such a mess because I just went running with Jules.

Oh jeeezzz, Rich… you have to let it go. No, I’m sure my knees are fine. Blissful would you take Rich outside for a brisk walk and cardio workout? Thank you, yes, when you get back you can do the slideshow of Italy. It’s a Powerpoint? That’s great, it’s fine, we will figure out the projector.

Again, welcome FABU Bloggers to our first Annual FABU meeting. I have Jen here to take notes. Jen and I both live in Portland so we were able to meet a couple of times for some wine and discuss…. Um, wait a minute, Jen what did we discuss? Remember that one time and we went to Crow Bar because they have pinball? And you thought that pinball was hip?  I had the cosmos and wine after that, right? And we were talking about an agenda? Didn’t you write it down? That was why you gave me that napkin? Ohhh, right. No, I don’t have that.

I’ll make up the agenda.

First order of business I think, should be the unwieldy, pre-checked Comments box. M. Le Clown, I believe this is your action item. En anglais, s’il te plait. Sheena, no honey, don’t get pissy with him. He is actually French. From Quebec. He’s not mocking your brother.

Ahem! As all of you have probably noticed by now, WordPress is PRE-checking the receive email for each comment box at the end of posts which results in a ton of emails regarding comments that the email receiver didn’t make. Knowing that bloggers are most interested in what they themselves have to say, this has been a source of much upset for everyone.

Yes, Dotty? Oh and WordPress is calling Dotty, Amy and she doesn’t like it. Hello Sailor could you please pass Amy, erm I mean, please pass Dotty the laudanum. Thank you.    Dotty, we will find out who Amy is and why she’s commenting for you.

M. Le Clown, what is the resolution to this? Uncheck the box? Ahh, oui. Well, thanks for going to all that effort for us. UPDATE UPDATE!!! Amy…gah! Dotty found the answer! Go to Reader, Blogs I Follow, Edit List and down on the left hand side there’s a faded little line that says Manage Email Delivery Settings! click there and then UNclick the Comments box. All hail Dotty, she is always right!

Let’s stay on track here people. Settle down. Brigitte! Madame Weebles! Sweet Mother! I’m looking at you ladies! It’s great you’re all New Yorkers but right now we’re trying to have a meeting. Becks that accent was quite the surprise, you don’t write with an accent or it seems like an Irish one with all the feckin’ this and feckin’ that. Madame Weebles, please put away the feckin’ Hot Dead Guy Trading Cards or I’ll need to take them until the meeting is over.

Our next agenda item is….. oh, parenting.

I see you Sweet Mother. Yes, that is a good idea. Straightby or Gayby, yes, good idea. You know what? Why don’t you write all your ideas down for us? Maybe start a blog? HAHAHA…sorry just struck me as funny, cuz you know you have that blog that…yes, well… moving on

My daughter’s phrase “Lady Boner” has been the source of much discussion so I thought we should get our feelings about the Lady Boner out in the open. I know this is a tough topic for some dads here especially Simon and Chris who both have girls. La La has a presentation for us regarding the Lady Boner because she was 15 more recently than the rest of us.  La La, that photo of Justin Bieber is not appropriate, what have you done to his pants? No, LindaJ I would not let your daughter see that.

Ohh Rick you’re back. What? No, we are not going to talk about Boobalanches right now.  Andrew, the phrase was used in an earlier post of mine, Rich will tell you what it is. Immature Man, I’m sure your daughter hasn’t had a Lady Boner. She’s how old? Well then NO of course she hasn’t, let her get out of kindergarten man! Chris, the big girl band aid discussion will have to wait till next meeting.

What’s for lunch? Gizzards? Everyone, Addie brought gizzards for lunch! Anyone who wants gizzards can talk to her. Adair You, hahaha, get it? Meeka brought chicken soup so if the gizzard isn’t your thing, that might be a better option. Today’s lunch will also feature dishes by Kim, you know her as the White Trash Gourmet. She has brought some Cap’n Crunch cereal, feta cheese, kale, a brisket, the Costco pickled eggs, Spam, a George Foreman grill, triple nipple cookies and a big girl bottle of chianti with her….you never know what she’ll come up with!

Don’t get me wrong, I am REALLY glad everyone is getting to know each other and having such a great time but all the chatter can be a bit distracting. Mrs. EOS? Yep, he lives in Blue Sky, Rhode Island. I don’t know if it’s close to your home in RI. Mike would you just explain the whole Blue Sky thing  to her?

OK. Let me look at our list here. David couldn’t be here today but he sent me this:

Sadly our only Farm Animals, Rudy and Moody, were unable to make it; they ran afowl in the barn yard.

In closing, I would like to thank all of you for sharing my writing with me and sharing your writing with you and we shared our writing that we wrote together to share.

My hope is that by the next time we gather we have, each of us, reached that holy writing grail of being Freshly Pressed! I knowwww Simon, yes good for you, you’ve been Freshly Pressed three times already!  Thank you for reminding us but we were well aware. (Told you, you’d be sorry! bwaahahahaha).

Folks, folks!! Listen up! We have to gather our stuff up and go now. See that guy out in the hall with the broom and the kind of long hair? That’s Harper the custodian and he needs to get in here and clean up before the Hip, Happening, Fashions for the Upwardly Mobile Man on the Go Go support group comes in at 3.

I’m so happy to have met all of you in this funny little online community. Until next time… xoxo Maggie