Major Update included: It’s Like Herding Bloggers

Helloo! C’mon in, there’s room for everyone! Welcome! There should be plenty of chairs.

Adam! Careful…you brought the Knee Walker?! Can you park it outside? You’re on the Itty Bitty Boomer. I know, isn’t she darling!? I realize you didn’t see her there, thus the name Itty Bitty, but please back up and get that thing off her tiny little foot and out of the conference room! I’m so glad you came UnfetteredBS, don’t be shy, grab a seat!

Welcome to the 1st Annual Meeting of Funny Awesome Bloggers Unite or FABU!

I know it’s cheesy but I’m not a good acronym creator. If you’re going to laugh like that Brad, then why don’t you create one yourself, Caption America?  Fine, that is your action item for the next meeting.

Thank you for coming today. I’ve long been hoping we could all get together in one place. The logistics weren’t easy what with having FABU bloggers all over the world but we pulled it off! I’m sorry I look such a mess on the big day. I’m sorry, pardon me? You know what Badfads? They’re not leggings, they’re running pants and as I was saying, I’m sorry I’m such a mess because I just went running with Jules.

Oh jeeezzz, Rich… you have to let it go. No, I’m sure my knees are fine. Blissful would you take Rich outside for a brisk walk and cardio workout? Thank you, yes, when you get back you can do the slideshow of Italy. It’s a Powerpoint? That’s great, it’s fine, we will figure out the projector.

Again, welcome FABU Bloggers to our first Annual FABU meeting. I have Jen here to take notes. Jen and I both live in Portland so we were able to meet a couple of times for some wine and discuss…. Um, wait a minute, Jen what did we discuss? Remember that one time and we went to Crow Bar because they have pinball? And you thought that pinball was hip?  I had the cosmos and wine after that, right? And we were talking about an agenda? Didn’t you write it down? That was why you gave me that napkin? Ohhh, right. No, I don’t have that.

I’ll make up the agenda.

First order of business I think, should be the unwieldy, pre-checked Comments box. M. Le Clown, I believe this is your action item. En anglais, s’il te plait. Sheena, no honey, don’t get pissy with him. He is actually French. From Quebec. He’s not mocking your brother.

Ahem! As all of you have probably noticed by now, WordPress is PRE-checking the receive email for each comment box at the end of posts which results in a ton of emails regarding comments that the email receiver didn’t make. Knowing that bloggers are most interested in what they themselves have to say, this has been a source of much upset for everyone.

Yes, Dotty? Oh and WordPress is calling Dotty, Amy and she doesn’t like it. Hello Sailor could you please pass Amy, erm I mean, please pass Dotty the laudanum. Thank you.    Dotty, we will find out who Amy is and why she’s commenting for you.

M. Le Clown, what is the resolution to this? Uncheck the box? Ahh, oui. Well, thanks for going to all that effort for us. UPDATE UPDATE!!! Amy…gah! Dotty found the answer! Go to Reader, Blogs I Follow, Edit List and down on the left hand side there’s a faded little line that says Manage Email Delivery Settings! click there and then UNclick the Comments box. All hail Dotty, she is always right!

Let’s stay on track here people. Settle down. Brigitte! Madame Weebles! Sweet Mother! I’m looking at you ladies! It’s great you’re all New Yorkers but right now we’re trying to have a meeting. Becks that accent was quite the surprise, you don’t write with an accent or it seems like an Irish one with all the feckin’ this and feckin’ that. Madame Weebles, please put away the feckin’ Hot Dead Guy Trading Cards or I’ll need to take them until the meeting is over.

Our next agenda item is….. oh, parenting.

I see you Sweet Mother. Yes, that is a good idea. Straightby or Gayby, yes, good idea. You know what? Why don’t you write all your ideas down for us? Maybe start a blog? HAHAHA…sorry just struck me as funny, cuz you know you have that blog that…yes, well… moving on

My daughter’s phrase “Lady Boner” has been the source of much discussion so I thought we should get our feelings about the Lady Boner out in the open. I know this is a tough topic for some dads here especially Simon and Chris who both have girls. La La has a presentation for us regarding the Lady Boner because she was 15 more recently than the rest of us.  La La, that photo of Justin Bieber is not appropriate, what have you done to his pants? No, LindaJ I would not let your daughter see that.

Ohh Rick you’re back. What? No, we are not going to talk about Boobalanches right now.  Andrew, the phrase was used in an earlier post of mine, Rich will tell you what it is. Immature Man, I’m sure your daughter hasn’t had a Lady Boner. She’s how old? Well then NO of course she hasn’t, let her get out of kindergarten man! Chris, the big girl band aid discussion will have to wait till next meeting.

What’s for lunch? Gizzards? Everyone, Addie brought gizzards for lunch! Anyone who wants gizzards can talk to her. Adair You, hahaha, get it? Meeka brought chicken soup so if the gizzard isn’t your thing, that might be a better option. Today’s lunch will also feature dishes by Kim, you know her as the White Trash Gourmet. She has brought some Cap’n Crunch cereal, feta cheese, kale, a brisket, the Costco pickled eggs, Spam, a George Foreman grill, triple nipple cookies and a big girl bottle of chianti with her….you never know what she’ll come up with!

Don’t get me wrong, I am REALLY glad everyone is getting to know each other and having such a great time but all the chatter can be a bit distracting. Mrs. EOS? Yep, he lives in Blue Sky, Rhode Island. I don’t know if it’s close to your home in RI. Mike would you just explain the whole Blue Sky thing  to her?

OK. Let me look at our list here. David couldn’t be here today but he sent me this:

Sadly our only Farm Animals, Rudy and Moody, were unable to make it; they ran afowl in the barn yard.

In closing, I would like to thank all of you for sharing my writing with me and sharing your writing with you and we shared our writing that we wrote together to share.

My hope is that by the next time we gather we have, each of us, reached that holy writing grail of being Freshly Pressed! I knowwww Simon, yes good for you, you’ve been Freshly Pressed three times already!  Thank you for reminding us but we were well aware. (Told you, you’d be sorry! bwaahahahaha).

Folks, folks!! Listen up! We have to gather our stuff up and go now. See that guy out in the hall with the broom and the kind of long hair? That’s Harper the custodian and he needs to get in here and clean up before the Hip, Happening, Fashions for the Upwardly Mobile Man on the Go Go support group comes in at 3.

I’m so happy to have met all of you in this funny little online community. Until next time… xoxo Maggie

63 thoughts on “Major Update included: It’s Like Herding Bloggers

  1. I just happen to be here right now at this meeting. Thanks for including me in this pack of prolific peeps. But, seriously, I’m beginning to get a complex here and yes, I’m whining and getting my feelings hurt, but give me a comment. A like. Anything, anyone? Just kidding, Mags, YOU ROCK. I’ve got to click on all these links now and see who is who and all the attendees at this FABU blogger meeting. Great blog; surely you will be smelling the freshly pressed — I think I smell it brewing already. :).

    1. I don’t know about that but thanks Brig! At the next meeting we are going to cover hurt feelings and blogger ego issues. Seriously I have spent time wondering if another blogger is mad at me….that’s weird. xoxox

      1. Know what you mean. Or when you comment on someone’s blog and they reply to EVERYONE’S comments but yours. Sniff. (hurt feelings, a lone tear coursing down my face), but please do cover the blogger ego issues. I’ll take notes. :).

          1. yeah, I am hoping I get some mojo tomorrow and I can churn something out that doesn’t completely suck. Until then I figured I would just keep commenting on here to pump up your stats.

          2. You know Simon, you give and you give and you give some more. What would my blog be without you?
            Say! Haven’t you been Freshly Pressed? Maybe you could write me a recommendation. That way readers would know it’s worth looking at my blog.

          3. I have been told I have the heart of a servant more than once. I am a giver for sure. Funny that you asked, in fact I have been Freshly Pressed. You know, if someone reads this they are probably thinking “this guy is kind of a jerk” and they would be kinda right I guess. Maybe I can write you a glowing introduction and you could write a post for me sometime.

          4. If anyone thinks you’re a jerk then they don’t realize how hysterically funny we are, we’re like Sonny and Cher. Except I”m not tall and you don’t have a mustache but other than that just like Sonny and Cher if they were online writers.

        1. I like how you put “some of these people” instead of having to include scary and underwhelming to your list of what it would be like.

          1. hahahaha. Thanks Simon! I noticed too that Lauren doesn’t want to meet everyone but “some of these people”. Exactly why we love her!

  2. I actually LAUGHED OUT LOUD at this post—and not just because I’m mentioned in it! And I love that I’m in the company of Brigitte and Sweet Mother. I bet the 3 of us would be pretty loud and chatty together.

    Also, I love the acronym FABU.

    The moon must be in an odd phase, or maybe Mercury and Venus are aligned or something, because I have read several blogs entries today that acknowledge the grooviness of other bloggers. I wrote one as well—I didn’t name names in mine, and now I feel sad that I didn’t, so I’ll have to do that in a separate post.

    I reply to everyone’s comments because for starters, it’s always nice manners to acknowledge people for taking the time to write something. Plus, as Brigitte said, bloggers are sensitive and dainty, and I want to make sure nobody has hurt feelings!

    And I am extremely happy to have met you all!

    1. Sweet Mother taught me to always reply to comments, even if just to say thank you for reading. Commenting takes effort and that should be acknowledged. I was thinking the other day of how much I would love to meet my blogging friends, but then thought that seems weird of me so I wrote us together!
      Writing this made me so happy thinking about what it would be like to have all these big personalities in one place. Earplugs might be a good welcome gift…and we’d still be able to hear each other.

  3. Thank you for including me. I think this posts funniest moments where when I was mentioned. I think if you cut out everyone else and only mentioned me you might win some sort of an award or scholarship or keychain or something…just a suggestion.

    1. And you know what, that’s a great suggestion and I was going to do that but I thought I would be coming on too strong. My next few posts will just be about you.

    2. Nossa, eu achei chatésimo o piloto e não vi mais nada. Adoro o Kiefer, mas não deu pra encarar, não. Dormi várias vezes durante o epo#i³diÃ&s8230;

  4. What a great idea to write a post and mention all your favorite blogs and bloggers. Yep, it’s a great idea and I see you mentioned all your favorites–everyone of them. Well done mentioning all your favorite blogs and bloggers. Glad to see no one was left out of the herd! HF

      1. You are brilliant! Now, delete all these comments so folks don’t think I’m a whiner. Wait! You made me the janitor! What???!!! Geeze, I was hoping for guest lecturer. HF
        (I know. You just can’t please some people!) All joy!!!!!

        1. HHahaha, I figgered I hadn’t offended you enough for one day! Maybe you can be the guest lecturer at the next meeting like that janitor who just graduated from Columbia U. And the only Update spelled out is with Dotty’s comment box discovery.
          All Joy to you Harper, I did feel really BAD this morning. Catholic guilt and all.

  5. Asshole brother

    Do you feel like your virtual sewing circle here may eventually obviate your need to pursue the corporeal…and you can just exist in your new community.

    Corporeal. Obviate.

    Who talks like that? I bet I am pretty smart.

  6. Maggie, you rock. This is brilliant and was so much fun to read. I was glad that I recognized many of these blogs but also look forward to checking out the ones I didn’t know about. I figure since you follow mine, you must be an exceptional judge of content and talent. Man, when did I become so full of myself? Probably has something to do with being Freshly Pressed 3 times. Seriously though, you are too kind for including me and your stuff always makes me laugh. Bravo!

    1. Ahhhh thankyouverymuch!
      There are some great funny people on here.
      I started blogging on Sparkpeople but those are dieters blogging not writers blogging. “Writers are good writers.”
      Copyright. 2012. MMOC

    1. Just chock it up to the false sense of intimacy generated by the internet! hahahaha

      I needed an element to tie up that food paragraph. Last night the blogger gods gave me you!

  7. Don’t be knocking the gizzards–you know you want some!! This was tres amusing, and I laughed in a large number of parts. For those who complained, well, sucks to be you. Adair You to read it again and not find the humor. Go on, Adair You.

  8. I don’t know most of those people, but that was freaking hilarious!!! I had to check out the Hot Dead Guys. Madame Weebles. . . that is seriously too good! Who doesn’t love hot dead guys?

  9. -grins- I started reading and my first thought was ‘what’s going on’? And then I started recognizing names and the light bulb popped! Thanks for inviting me to the FABU party and if you invite me again I’ll bring veal schnitzel and make it kind of low fat-ish. Being a bit of a geek I’m in awesome of all the links you put in. Lovely work lady chair! And now excuse me but I have to go lurk on some new blogs. Yoo hoo Simon! Is it true that you’ve been FP’d three times? Did it hurt?

    1. Oooo VEAL, yummy! You must bring to the next meeting!
      Simon has been FP’d three times and he has the scars to prove it!

      And thank you for noting the hellish amount of links I had in there but it was it was worth it b/c you are all FABU!

  10. i feckin’ loved this. LOVED IT. so much i think it gave me a LADY BONER…bwwaaaaahhhhhaaaaa. nooooooo, i loved it. xoxoxoxo, please do another group meeting. it’s hilarious. totally hilarious. sm

  11. This is so great and I wish I had seen it sooner! I was in Italy when you posted this otherwise I would have had to have that walk with Rich (whom I miss terribly) and seen to it that the power point was plugged in! Thank you so much for finding me and enjoying my work!

      1. Kellet, co-founder of Listly, wrote a post that I must have read 10 times already, called “Not Enough Vs Too Much : Curiosity, Utility & Generosity” He states how we all have our own self peediived crficeencies. I’m the first one to

What do YOU think of me?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s