I Don’t Like Anyone. I Only Like Cupcakes!

Or things I have learned from my almost 4-year-old nephew.

I was in such a nasty ass mood yesterday all I could think of was my nephew Matt’s exclamation from the other night: “I don’t like anybody! I only like cupcakes!” I didn’t even like cupcakes yesterday but I am back today in a jolly mood and blogging on.

St. Patrick’s Day is an official holiday for my company. Not kidding. March 17 is our incorporation date so we have it off every year. This year we got the 16th off because incorporation day landed on a Saturday. I happily spent my day off at home with my nephew Matt or as he is sometimes known, Stevie Wonder the Garbage Toddler.

My sister, Molly, and I have quickly realized that she likes doing what I hate doing and I like doing whatever I like doing. So this past Friday, Molly did the grocery shopping, went to the mall to buy a bday present for Annie to take to a party, met with her builder and ran around town looking cute and pulled together sans her child. I think the “sans her child” part sold her on the deal.

I stayed home and lounged and napped with Stevie Wonder. My kids will be 13 and 15 this summer. I haven’t spent the day with an almost 4-year-old in many years and never with an almost 4-year-old boy. Stevie is one of the good ones. He is smart and funny and never throws tantrums (according to me, I’ve seen him work up some pretty interesting squalls including uncontrollable laughing fits for his mother).

I call him Stevie because he spends time everyday practicing doing things with his eyes closed. When he eats breakfast with his eyes closed he does that Stevie Wonder thing where he bobs his head from side to side. Matt can also walk (forward and backward) with his eyes closed, take a bath with his eyes closed, brush his teeth with his eyes closed, read with his eyes closed and probably go down the stairs with his eyes closed although we are working hard on not going down the stairs in a dangerous manner, forward on his knees for example.

Stevie brushing his teeth.

Ever since Stevie was a baby, barely able to talk, he has loved garbage, which he used to call “beejah”. Now he talks daily, often to the point that no one is listening, about GARbidge, rethycling, yard debris and comPOHsting.

Garbage day is the BEST day of the week

During my day off with Stevie we discussed all of these topics with a strong focus on rethycling. We took out the rethycling twice. Doing the recycling with the help of a 4-year-old garbage fanatic means that we both need to carry some recycling; the adult needs to make sure the child doesn’t wipe out walking down the front stairs holding a bag of empty cans and junk mail because said 4-year-old is focused on the yard guy, who has his own yard debris can out in the yard. “Alex’s yard debris can looks great.” Wow, it sure does! that is a fine yard debris can specimen! Stevie had me open the recycling cart lid ALLLL the way and then he took each piece of recycling, each individual piece of recycling out of the bag and threw it in the cart. He’s only around 3 feet tall so this takes a while. He can really wheel the carts around too. Which is funny because he’s so short, it looks like the carts are moving themselves and if I can find the video I will post it.

Stevie is very accomplished in cart transport

Stevie also likes to help with the laundry. We did four loads of laundry. It took 20 minutes to load the washing machine for each load. “Does this go in? Is this my shirt or your shirt (because I have lost so much weight I’m now a 4T)? Is this the laundry or the rethycling? Does the laundry go in this room or this room or this room? (he points at Brigid’s room, the bathroom, the linen closet and the laundry room). Because he is my nephew, I revel in his assistance. If it were my own kids, fuhgeddabout it, I’d just do it myself.

We had popcorn and watched the Muppet Movie and danced to Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

He helped me mop the floors. He helped me carry the sock basket. We checked the mail and rearranged the garbage/recycling bins. I think I made him lunch or at least he did have some popcorn. I don’t know what else we did but around 4, I texted my sister  and asked if I let him watch a show could I shower and brush my teeth?  That was okay and I did. Molly came home with all sorts of goodies and I got to leave and go out to dinner with Trisha.

I had forgotten how your life is no longer your own when there are little people around. It is exhausting. Lounging and napping can really take it out of you. Bravo moms!!!

OTHER NEWS

This morning I looked at my stats for readers and blog hits at “Someone Fat Happened”. I was pleased to see that I have almost 1300 hits so I’m gathering speed. Most of my readers are in the U.S. but I have a following in Sweden (skrika ut!), Turkey, Cambodia, the UK and the Russian Federation, so you know, the globe is talking about me.  For the first time today I have a reader in the United Arab Emirates. Isn’t that something?!  I also noted that one of the search terms used to find my blog today was: “aunt seduced nephew stories blogs wordpress”. I’m not saying that my reader in the UAE searched that term but either way….Ick.

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14 thoughts on “I Don’t Like Anyone. I Only Like Cupcakes!

  1. jules1707 says:

    Your nephew sounds sooo cute 🙂

  2. Molly says:

    “yarrrrrrrrrrrd debris”

  3. Denise Haenel says:

    Once again, Matt gives me the out loud chuckles……Thanks for the great column.

  4. ChrisH says:

    If it weren’t for that goofy brother of your’s…I would never been able to enjoy this.

  5. c says:

    Years ago, I used to get in drunken fights with your brother. You are much more personable. As am I, when I gave up the sauce! Delightful blog! Well written and funny
    Keep at it!

  6. Maggie O'C says:

    Thanks so much! I suppose I could do an entire blog on Drunk with John stories.

    I appreciate you reading.

  7. […] nephew, Matt, who you may have read about (here, here, here and here) is crazy-ass smart. Not like, oh he can write his name and read “cat, sat, […]

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