the Dieting Woman who goes shopping with her hormonal teenage daughter in preparation for Dieting Woman’s upcoming super fun trip to San Francisco? You don’t want to hear it. I went into the shopping trip expecting to get teary while trying on clothes. As it turned out I really felt like crying in sheer frustration from dealing with aforementioned 14-year-old, aka Annie.
Q: What is worse than shopping with a hormonal 14-year-old?
A: Nuclear Armageddon.
Q: What is better than shopping with a hormonal 14-year-old?
A: Most everything, including stabbing yourself in the eye with rusty scissors.
I knew immediately she was in a mood and I get that. I was 14 once, a really long time ago and I drove my mother insane. I gave Annie the option of staying home, she didn’t have to come but she wanted to. “No, it’s fine, I want to go shopping.”
Driving to the mall, I take her cell phone because I think it’s rude to sit in a car with another person and do nothing but text someone else, someone you probably just spent the day with at school. Phone removal greeted with tortured sigh and shaking head.
Arrive at mall:
- “Are we going to eat dinner here?” No, as I mentioned, we are here to shop and I don’t have a lot of time.
- “My throat really hurts.” In Annie’s defense, there is a good chance she is getting sick.
Annie is a very good Sherpa and followed me around carrying the clothes I wanted to try on. She is also keen to point out very cute clothes, many with horizontal stripes, that would make me look like a brightly colored sausage or like I was almost to term with my third child. I mention to her that those clothes might not be that flattering for me. Tall, shapely, pretty Annie says, “oh I know, I just think it’s really cute.” (For someone shaped exactly like Annie.)
I don’t know why but Annie wants to join me in the dressing room. Macy’s is a complete bust because of my giant bust and the side of fat. I throw all the clothes that don’t fit me and are marked size L ( which is all of them) on the bench in the dressing room and stomp off. I know I have been losing weight (Remember today is Weigh In Wednesday!). I visualized this meager but motivating weight loss resulting in my suddenly being shaped a lot like Keira Knightley. And I could wear cute jeans and a little sweater like she did in “Love Actually”. I’ve been dieting for a month! Helloooo, I’m now supposed to be a ridiculously thin, 25-year-old British woman.
I leave Macy’s in a snit (I don’t know where Annie gets her attitude) and head for the Gap because I have a Gap card. I find a bunch of stuff to try on there including this hot pink trench coat that does NOT look good on a 5’3” Dieting Woman.
Cruise through Macy’s on weigh, I mean “way” (paging Dr. Freud) to the parking lot and I get these cute boots.
Not much news but I needed to preface Weigh In Wednesday with something. Drum roll please…
I lost 2.5 lbs last week! Woo HOOOO!! I lost 5.5 pounds in January. Which explains my uncanny resemblance to Keira Knightley.
Next up: Dieting Woman and Friends take San Francisco!!!