When the fall came, it was unexpected, violent and lasting.
It began this past Wednesday. I had had my girls for a week straight, which is fine. I love them and we have fun, but they are 12 and 14 and that’s a lot of teenage estrogen-driven angst in one house for one week. I got home from work Wednesday evening, house to myself, bottle of Pinot Gris in the fridge calling me, “Maggie, viens-ici!” So I went into the fridge to see what the wine wanted and it just wanted to come out to see me in the kitchen. I opened the wine so it could breathe, get a little fresh air. The wine and I got very close.
It was maybe an hour or so after the wine and I got together, that events took a turn for the worse. That’s when I hit the hard stuff. It seemed innocent enough, whole grain pasta, can of organic tomatoes but no, that wasn’t enough for me. I knew I could take it to another level and the half and half in the refrigerator door was exactly what was going to get me there. There’s always an excuse….It’s not my fault, there’s no turkey sausage….this pork Italian sausage will have to do. Soon there’s a saute pan filled with onion and tomatoes, browned sausage and yes, half and half. It’s the age-old story, dieter drinks wine, dieter makes fattening food.
I had lost control, life’s events grabbed me and pummeled me in a cascade of really good tasting food. Thursday morning….ahhh Thursday morning the day started with the unfortunate incident of the stolen egg/sausage croissant, followed just a few hours later by a chicken wrap with ranch dressing and a bag of Fritos for lunch, and the day crescendoed with a patty melt and fries for dinner. The weekend was a frightening downward spiral of gluttony; filled with pate, artichoke/parmesan dip, salmon cakes. Sure there were moments of restraint when I popped a few grape tomatoes or added roasted Brussel sprouts to the edge of the plate of mushroom risotto. But then I was back at it popcorn with butter, a lovely Wisconsin hard cheese, baguette….I don’t need to go on, do I? I was on a bender, my lost weekend.
Which brings me to today, Tuesday, the day before Weigh In Wednesday. It’s not going to be pretty tomorrow morning but whatever the result. I will report it honestly. After work today I did my boot camp dvd and ate egg whites for dinner and drank water. I’ve done what I can do in my recovery.