Horrible News

I got some news earlier today that shocked and dismayed me. Initially I wanted to cry but instead took a deep breath and composed myself. The emotional trauma has sunk in and has resulted in my being even more motivated to lose weight.

I weigh more than my boyfriend. Did you read what I just wrote? I weigh more than my boyfriend.

Let’s break that down so we all understand the meaning of that sentence.

I = Me, Maggie

Weigh = to measure the heaviness of

More = a greater value

Than = taken as the point of departure of a comparison expressive of inequality

My = belonging to me, Maggie

Boyfriend = frequent or regular male companion of a girl or woman.

In other words, Maggie’s heaviness is of a greater value as compared to the heaviness of Maggie’s regular male companion.

Holy shit! This isn’t good. God love the Rail Thin Boyfriend for really not wanting to tell me what he weighed, quickly denying that he thought the scale was not calibrated so it is measuring too light, and for saying he’s not particularly happy to be so thin. Also in his defense, he had to tell me what he weighed to avoid the tantrum I was going to have if he didn’t.

He also said, “When we both accomplish our goals, think how hot we’ll be.” uh, yeah.

So whilst I am attempting to somehow reduce my girth with 1200-1500 calories a day, Rail Thin Boyfriend is trying to eat 3500 calories a day which I can do with little or no effort.

In other news: last night at my company party, the head of human resources said I look like Shari Hiner in the Mattress World commercials. Picture at right.   


3 thoughts on “Horrible News

  1. Kitty Bone says:

    boys can have boyfriends too.

  2. Maggie O'C says:

    That is very true! I know boys who have boyfriends but that is the definition I found somewhere and I’m a girl so I went with that one.

  3. […] What became of John Hiener (or Heiner…I’m not sure) from the mattress world commercials portland oregonMattress World Stars › MattressMattress WorldThe 2009 Report on Innerspring Mattresses Excluding Crib-Size Mattresses: World Market Segmentation by City › MattressHorrible News […]

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