Something Fat Happened on the Way to 47

And it’s me.

I’ve had clues for the past 18 months that something (namely my weight) was up but I didn’t pay too close attention to the warning signs that fat was happening to me. My physical in June 2010: my doctor told me I had high cholesterol or at least high for me. I am someone who loves going to the doctor because it’s always good news so understandably I ignored the cholesterol results. They had to be due to the recent four-day trip to Virginia to see the Cakes. Drinking wine for four days could result in a misleading cholesterol test result. My extensive medical training or a B.A. in French tells me not to worry about my cholesterol.

I joined the gym in my building in 2011. I went sometimes but the gym is very small and there are many 20-something young men having personal training sessions and grunting and counting and I don’t like that. Ten years ago I was still MILFY so those boys were checking me out, not so much anymore. I’m sure they think it’s amusing that a woman their mother’s age is on the elliptical. Aside from my lack of Cougarness, I can always think of something better to do than work out.

May 2011, yet another doctor’s appointment and my blood pressure is high (130/80) and my tiny doctor tells me I need to lose 20 pounds. Well thank you Dr. McTinyPants. Hmmm…. well that’s annoying, I can’t go to the doctor anymore.

So the fat is building. The photos from my sisters’ 40th birthday party show a fat eldest sister and she is me. My face is fat and my boobs are way too big. Stay away from cameras. November 2011…trip to Disneyland with girls and sister and Sebastian and darling 3-year-old nephew. My nephew’s aunt is next to him in the picture (please see below, like you could miss it) and she is really fat. And once again she is me. Huh.

My brother tells me it’s time to be done with having my picture taken, too bad b/c I have a great smile but it is now housed in a fat face.

The reason this is such a surprise is that my boyfriend has assured me that I am the hottest thing ever, so I don’t really understand how I can be fat.

And that brings me to December 2011. Aforementioned boyfriend buys me the coat I want for Christmas in a size 12. Best to get it big so I can wear sweaters under it. Um, I’ll be damned. Size 12 doesn’t fit. I go (alone) to try on other coats and the only one that fits is a size 16!! What the hell?!?!

So here I am. I need to lose 30 pounds. I need to be able to wear outerwear. I need to be able to wear a coat.

I am going on and they will help me lose weight. That’s all I need is Sparkpeople, and this blog and this chair. That’s all I need and this paddle ball game.

5 replies to “Something Fat Happened on the Way to 47

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