A Question of Offense

Some of you may have read my blog the other day and you saw 24 photos from my wedding. And many of you told me in the comments how happy we all looked and how you enjoyed the photos.

But one of my readers, a M. Le Clown, emailed me to let me know that the caption for the photo shown below is racist and xenophobic and generally “just fucking awful.”

Fending off the rain and doing our best terrorist impression (Judy, Kitty, Me and Lucy)

Initially, I laughed at his comment and wrote back, “really, from you??” Since anyone who has read Le Clown’s blog knows that he can offend the hell out of people. And Le Clown and I went back and forth as we do and wound up strongly disagreeing with each other as we often do.

I didn’t intend this to be offensive unless it offends Terrorists and I am a strong supporter of offending Terrorists. In the photo, my friends and I have pashminas on our heads because it is raining. Then we thought it was funny and made our serious Terrorist faces.

Terrorists never look that happy.

I can see that it may have been construed as being racist or xenophobic, if I had captioned it:

“Fending off the rain and doing our best impression of Muslim women, Arabs, Middle Easterners, etc. who are all terrorists.”

But I didn’t. Eric says that the wearing of the scarves with the word “Terrorist” in the caption make this a racist picture caption. Here’s the uncomfortable truth is that many terrorists wear headscarves and make scary faces. That’s just true.  Racial profiling is frowned upon in international airport security but that doesn’t erase the fact that 99% of terrorist attacks are committed by Muslim men. (No, that 99% is not scientifically proven figure but I bet the number is up there.)

I think this is an example of political correctness going off the rails. In the U.S., in my opinion, we have gone overboard in our “sensitivity”:

• The Washington Redskins football team is embroiled in a lawsuit because various groups don’t like their name.
• It isn’t acceptable to say “Merry Christmas”  or have a Christmas tree in a public space because it might offend someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas. Thus the new December tradition the “Holiday Tree”. What holiday? Umm, I think it’s Christmas.
• The mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance is offensive and results in children not being allowed to recite the Pledge, in let’s say a 5th grade graduation at my daughter’s school.
• “Manhole” is not to be used for a the hole in the middle of the road that takes workers down to fix whatever is down there.
• Don’t get me started on Chairman, Congressman, Waitress, Stewardess.

My point is, has this Political Correctness, Cultural Sensitivity gone too far? What has happened to Free Speech? If you don’t like what someone says that doesn’t mean it is wrong or racist, cruel or demeaning; it just means you don’t like it. And if you don’t like something then why not vote with your delete key, or your wallet, or your ballot?

In the U.S., I am finding more and more that Free Speech is fine as long as certain parties approve of what you’re saying. And that’s not really how it should work.

So what do you think? Am I wrong? I can be wrong, that’s fine. Is the caption to that picture offensive and racist? Or is it just some people goofing around?

I thank Le Clown for having a civil (kind of) conversation regarding our difference of opinion and for giving me something to write about.

Important Words That Are Not Mine

I have not written and I have not read about the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. The pain and the loss is far too great for me to opine. I have not read all the beautiful posts by my fellow bloggers, only because I couldn’t. I am not that strong. I have been thinking since Friday about what has happened but I don’t know what to make of it all. I had a party last night, my annual ladies Christmas cocktail party, and not everyone talked about the murders in Connecticut but Friday was ever-present.

This post was written by my brother-in-law. I have always loved him but never more than when I read this.

“Lots of talk about mental health lately. I’ve had my struggles with it and even accepting there is a problem, having a will to get better and means to pursue treatment getting help is not easy. Our lifestyle and society don’t allow the necessary accommodations to effect real improvement. If you go to a hospital complaining of physical pain so severe that it doesn’t allow you to think or do your job and makes you wish you were dead you’ll be admitted, made comfortable and looked at until a solution is found. If the pain was mental, you’d get handed some Xanax, an ssri and be told to try it for a month and see how it goes. If you talk about your illness you are never again taken seriously by a lot of people. Disability insurance won’t pay for mental illness, but will if you get yourself too fat to go to work. Diagnosis criteria are based on how crippled you are by the disease, if you muster a will to function you’re just thought to be over dramatic even though you’re a ticking time bomb. Simply getting diagnosed is a career death sentence for many.

So what are we gonna do? Piss on each other regarding what kind and how many weapons you can own because its easy and quantifiable and because we’re so obtuse that we can’t accept that we as a society have failed anyone that is so deranged and hurting so bad that will commit acts a normal mind can’t even comprehend.I read a celebrated post today that basically said these people should just quietly kill themselves alone in their basement. It was liked by tens of thousands of people within a couple of hours. While that would obviously be preferable to the awful way some of these people end, thinking your sick teenaged child’s best outcome is to blow his head off alone is most likely going to lead to denying and hiding his illness as best you can rather than seeking help (which isn’t really there)

So where do we start? First let go of the idea that mental illness is weakness. Self evaluate and deal with your own problems so you don’t pass them on to your children. Don’t tell people who take a chance telling you about their depression or other troubles that they just need to go for a run, or suck it up, give them a hug and listen to them. When someone at work needs a little time to get their shit together, give it to them and don’t give into the competitive drive to throw them out because they can’t perform that second. But most importantly talk about it. If you’ve been there, let others know they’re not alone.

My name is Pavlov Bubolich, (his secret FB name) I am mentally Ill and I live amongst you normal people. You don’t have to worry about me because i am loved and taken care of. Now pay attention and be kind to those who haven’t yet accepted their own struggles so that they can get better and stay with us.”

Love to all of you.

Naughty and Nice GeoPolitics with a 4-Year-Old

Sunday evening I was sitting on the couch watching Elf with my soon-to-be step-daughter, Kuaile or Q, as she is called; I had my laptop and was scanning Facebook when I came across this post from my brother-in-law:

“So, Matt announced at dinner, way out loud, that people in Nigeria live in piles of garbage… And I thought that after undoing his new learned opinions on Iran we were safe for the world map activities at school..”

and this:

“Lots of Africa is a mess”. I am mortified. we’re shutting down the Aunt Maggie school of foreign relations. Maybe said school should just stick with country sizes and how far they are and leave geopolitical views out of it. I figure we have another 8-9 years until the mock UN class at school and at least 4-5 years before he’s reading the Economist.”

Oh shit! That’s me! That’s my nephew mortifying his parents in a crowded restaurant.

Let’s go back shall we?

My nephew, Matt, who you may have read about (here, here, here and here) is crazy-ass smart. Not like, oh he can write his name and read “cat, sat, rat”. Smart like he can read everything, knows where all the countries in the world are and has the basics of multiplication down and he’s FOUR (4).

The trouble began Sunday afternoon when my sister Katie said, “Matt, tell Aunt Maggie your favorite country.” I already knew his favorite country is Saudi Arabia because, duh all 4-year-olds love Saudi Arabia. Matt said he would give me a clue so he said, “it starts with an S.” Spain? “it ends with an A.” Somalia? Savannah? Katie at this point is mouthing “Saudi Arabia” at me and I tell her that I know, I’m playing with a 4-year-old. We finally get to Saudi Arabia and it is jolly good fun. Then he tells me is other two favorite countries are Iran and Iraq. Oh sheesh. I grimaced at Iran and said (using his new knowledge of the Naughty and Nice List) “Matt, why don’t you pick another favorite country other than Iran?”

“Why Aunt Maggie?”

“Well Iran is on the Naughty List.” Matt responds with a dramatic jolt of his body and huge eyes, good gawd the Naughty List!!!

We proceed into a discussion of which countries are on the Naughty List and which are on the Nice List. Why the kid won’t stick to Scandinavia and Europe, I have no idea. “Is China on the Naughty List?” Well, the Chinese government is on the Naughty List but the Chinese people are on the Nice List.  And so it goes for 20-30 minutes.

I decide to break up this discussion with a walk around the circle with the dog. It’s chilly out so we bundle him up and get walking. But I’m not in the clear yet. Mr. Adorable and I hold hands and walk the dog. And the discussion continues. The kid knows more countries than I do. What about Sudan? What about South Sudan? I didn’t even know there was a South Sudan but apparently it showed up in the past year or so. This is where we get to my brother-in-law’s favorite line, “Lots of Africa is a mess.” I did say that but not really to Matt. At that point, I  was thinking so hard about the role of governments and how they harm their own people and the needless wars around the globe and I said that, sort of to myself or so I thought.

Matt, what about Kenya or Tanzania? What if we start there for our visit to Africa? (We have moved on to where he wants to visit.) Nope, he wants to go to Nigeria. Once again, I think I can head him off at the pass and very stupidly say, “well you know lots of people in Nigeria live in garbage.” (Seriously, Lagos is a crime against humanity.) He used to be totally into garbage, maybe we can talk about garbage. But I forget that his aunt on his father’s side is married to an engineer who is working in Nigeria right now. (I realize she lives walled off from the nastiness of Lagos but I should have realized he was going to be really into Nigeria).

While we are talking about Africa, his parents drive by on the way to my house to pick him up. They stop the car and roll down the window, “Hi Matt!!!” He is decidedly not interested in talking to them which is not typical. They drive on and we keep talking.

I’m sinking. I cannot win with this kid.

“Hey Matt! You wanna go to New York?” No, it’s too far ‘up there’. He will go to Texas (where he lived for the first 3+ years of his life) and he will go to Florida. Australia and New Zealand are off the list because they are ‘too far down there’. He is more than happy to go to Chad. I asked, “Do you want to go to Steve?”

I have now twisted my average 47-year-old brain into knots trying to explain what governments are, the tragedy that has befallen many African countries, and the intricacies of international relations and the Middle East.

The kid beat me hands down. He mauled me. Thankfully, his parents are still talking to me. I suppose he has beaten the crap out them for years, so they have some sympathy for me.

Why couldn’t he have asked in the crowded restaurant, “Mom, is Steve a country?”

“Egypt is near Saudi Arabia and those pyramids she mentioned do sound interesting.”

I Am So Tired

of election stuff. I’m even sick of myself.

This is great and has nothing to do with politics. Watch it and pray for Wednesday.

One Week From Today

I wrote this for publication this past Tuesday but then didn’t post it because of the Sandy mess. It appears that the campaign is back in full swing so I’m posting. I’m doin’ it.

Election day is Tuesday for all of you who have cut all ties to the outer world because you can’t stand one more robo-call or don’t live in the U.S. and wish we would just vote and shut the hell up.

I remember November 4, 2008 vividly. I didn’t vote for Obama but I was moved by the election of the first African-American president of the U.S. I didn’t think he was up to the job but I truly hoped he would be a good president. We needed somebody to lead us out of the mess.

Sadly, I don’t think Obama has lived up to the expectations many had for him as a leader. In my opinion (and this is my blog so I’m writing about my opinion), his policies have not helped the U.S. domestically or internationally.

The 2012 is race is coming down to the undecided voters– not independents but undecided voters. I tend to believe that if you haven’t made up your mind about who to vote for at this late date, you are either:

• not going to vote, or
• you are waiting for Obama to give you a reason to vote him in for a second term and if he doesn’t, you will vote for Romney.

Statistically undecided voters, this late in the game, tend to wind up voting for the challenger because they can’t justify voting for the incumbent again.

I think Mitt Romney is going to win and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wins pretty big. I hope I’m right and if I’m wrong, well there’s always another election.

I have never voted for a Democrat for president. That is due to the fact that since I have been voting, I have had a fundamentally different idea of what the duties of the federal government are than do most Democrat candidates. That’s not to say that I have always been supercharged voting for Republicans. Bob Dole and John McCain, while fine men, do not really inspire one to get all jazzed about voting for them. I have voted for democrats in Oregon races, as a matter of fact, I did last week when I voted my mail-in ballot. (Aside, all of Oregon’s elections are by mail. It’s a good system but I miss going somewhere to vote.)

This election is a bit of a change for me because I am actually happy about who I am voting for. Set aside the Lady Boner that I have for Paul Ryan. I never thought I would say this, EVER but I am really pleased to be voting for Mitt Romney. There is every indication, despite the tsunami of negative ads claiming otherwise, that Mitt Romney is a good man. A good father and husband and an accomplished and successful businessman, highly skilled in running huge organizations, taking action and producing results.

One of the big complaints about Romney is his changing positions on issues. Bill Clinton changed his opinions on issues, he made a swing to the center and actually got things done in Washington. Romney was the governor of Massachusetts, a Republican governor in Massachusetts is a much different animal than a Republican governor in Arizona or Mississippi. As governor of Massachusetts, he got things done. Sure he tacked to the right, during the primaries, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Anyone who thinks politics in the U.S. or anywhere is too pure for playing to the audience, is probably too naive to be voting. And, if anyone’s going to be upset about Romney heading back to the center for the general election, you would think it would be the Tea Party and they’re votin’ for him. They are not the undecideds.

Back in 2008

“And that’s to be expected, because if you don’t have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters.

If you don’t have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from. You make a big election about small things.” Barack Obama

Those are Obama’s words from his convention acceptance speech in 2008. And those words are coming back to haunt him. Obama’s 2012 campaign has focused on scaring people regarding the Romney plan for changing and thus saving Social Security and Medicare, the red-herring of killing Big Bird through discontinuing PBS funding, mocking Romney’s goals for updating America’s military resources (Mr. President, the Marines still use bayonets), and harping on notebook binders.

Why am I enthusiastic about Romney?

First of all, he’s an accomplished guy.

I like his proposals to change and save Social Security and Medicare. If drastic changes are not made, there won’t be anything left in 20 years when I retire.

I agree with his proposed changes to the tax code. We need a flatter tax code with fewer loopholes. And yes, he has stated what loopholes would go. I think we need a flatter tax rate for the middle class (me) as well as those who are above and below me on the income spectrum. I don’t believe in estate taxes, either.

We need to drastically cut federal government spending. Of course, only in Washington is “cutting spending” actually cutting the rate of the growth of spending. And yes, PBS funding should go. Lots of funding for non-necessary services is going to have to go. This is a crisis and fixing it is going to be really hard. I’m willing to take the hit this generation if it means my kids will have greater opportunities down the road.

I think the changes noted above will result in a stronger economy and a recovery in the job market.

I agree with his energy policies.

I think we have faltered overseas, especially in the Middle East. The attack in Benghazi is an example of either a cover-up or a massive failure of leadership. I think Romney’s priorities over there are to continue to communicate but carry the big stick and use it, if need be.

In education, I think Romney is right that the problem isn’t necessarily not enough teachers but definitely too many administrators and too much cow-towing to teacher’s unions.

I could go on but I’m sure I have bored or infuriated you enough already.

Whoever wins the election on November 6, I really hope they can right this ship before it goes under.

Second Thoughts

I worked all day yesterday on an election post for today, one week before the U.S. presidential election.

It was going to make some points and also include funny stuff like this:

and this:

But Sandy, the Hurricane not my mother-in-law, has given me second thoughts.

I have a friend who had a tree fall on his car. I have another friend who had to evacuate, with his three children, from their home on the Jersey Shore. He lives a block off the beach so God only knows what they will be returning to. Madame Weebles needs a boat to leave her house and LaLa is bailing out her bedroom. As far as I know all my peeps in the northeast are okay and I am so grateful.

Americans are very good in crises. We are a generous people who give our time, energy and dollars to help others. I’ll go all Pollyanna and suggest that Sandy showed up just in time to give us all some perspective. Elections are elections and they are important. They also show up every 2-4 years. Ultimately we all want the same things for ourselves and for each other, warmth, food, a roof, knowledge that our loved ones are out of harm’s way.

Be sage. I mean be safe and sage, too. I’m a sage.

If you want to donate to organizations helping victims of Hurricane Sandy, here are some links:

Feeding America

Americares

Dear President Obama

Dear Mr. President,

I will not be voting for you this November, just as I didn’t in 2008. While in 2008, I merely had hunches about why I didn’t want you to be the president of the U.S. mostly due to your lack of past leadership experience and voting record; now I have been witness to your presidency and know why I do not want you leading this country for another four years.

Back in 2008, you promised to unite Americans across cultural, ethnic and ideological divides. Our country is more divided than ever as you have pitted the haves and the have-nots against one another. Your theory of taking more from the top to give to the bottom simply doesn’t work. Lowering the top rung on the ladder of success will not remedy the job crisis in this country, raising the lowest rung will.  You promised us shovel ready jobs that turned out to be in your words: “not as … uh .. shovel-ready as we expected”. Also, printing money in another “stimulus” will not turn this economy around but it will bury generations to come in even more debt. You have avoided making the hard decisions regarding the federal budget, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. You continue to kick the can down the road, while trying to convince a nation, that overwhelmingly does NOT want Obamacare, that another massive social program will solve this nation’s ills.

For the entirety of your presidency, you have blamed others for your inability to move the U.S. forward toward recovery. I’m only 47 but I do not recall another president in my lifetime spending so much time meting out blame to past presidents, the public’s lack of understanding your plans, a tsunami, the Euro, the list is very long. The Democrat party had control of both the House and Senate during your first two years in office, but you still didn’t pass a budget. You barely introduced one before the leaders of your own party dismissed it.

You have told us we “didn’t build that”. Denigrating success is not the American way. What’s that you say? That’s not what you meant? Well, Mr. Romney didn’t mean that he loathes 47% of Americans but he has to own that so don’t you need to own this remark? At any rate, I look to a president who celebrates America’s ingenuity and our success stories; not one that apologizes for them.

Mr. President you told us you would restore America’s image across the world. You have scorned our allies and led our enemies to believe we will give them a pass. You pulled all American personnel out of Iraq, leaving no one behind. Your stubbornness in sticking to the symbolism of the U.S. leaving Iraq, will lead to us losing the peace, such as it was and once again abandoning Iraq in turmoil. You have given a date of withdrawal from Afghanistan. Why not just pack up and get everyone out tomorrow? The Taliban is simply waiting for us to leave. And wasn’t Afghanistan the “good war” according to you? Aren’t you the Commander-in-Chief who sent in more troops in a “surge” and then decided to tell the enemy when we will surge back out? The Middle East is burning with anti-American rage which has nothing to do with a silly video. They hate us and now they don’t fear us and that has resulted in the death of four Americans, including our ambassador to Libya who was “protected” by guards without live ammunition and your state department was warned of an imminent attack days before it occurred and nothing was changed to protect the people inside the embassy.

Your courage in standing up for religious freedoms ends with the Catholic Church and other organizations who morally disagree with funding abortion or birth control. While I don’t agree with the stances of these organizations, I fully support their right to spend their money as they see fit. It is easier to refuse the religious freedoms of the Catholic Church than it is to speak up against Muslim extremists, isn’t it? You are pretty safe in the knowledge that a bunch of Catholics will not storm government buildings, vandalizing property and attacking people within.

I cannot support your allegiance to teachers unions. As a parent of children who attend public schools, I have seen firsthand for years how these unions have subjugated the requirements of excellent education in this country to their interest in guaranteed jobs, benefits and retirements. Please note, I am not saying that teachers are over-compensated. I simply wish that the best teachers were rewarded and the worst were let go. The stance that you and the unions embrace is untenable in reality; as the nation and your former chief of staff and current mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, are finding out. Our local, state and federal economies cannot afford to keep up with union demands. And who is losing that battle? The children of public school systems around the nation.

For these reasons and many more but I have droned on (get it drones!? haha) long enough.  I will write to Mr. Romney to explain to him why he is getting my vote.

Sincerely,

Maggie at Someone Fat Happened